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Sunday, January 31, 2010

"Why are women more thirsty for love?": My response to the question





I thought about your question "Why women are more thirsty for love?"  Well, I am not sure 'why women are more thirsty', but I think I do know why people thirst for love--romantic love.

So, think of all your relationships.  Your relationship with your grandparents, your cousins, your parents.  All those relationships were not of choice.  You have or had no control of your relationship with them.  (Even if you choose not to have a relationship, you are biologically tied to them.)  Now think of your relationship with others.  You have classmates, professors, employers, and even friends.  Now, yes, these relationships are by choice.  These relationships may be valued, but even with your friends, whom I would expect you to be the closest with of all the above chosen relationships, there are still barriers, boundaries, that can't be crossed with your homeboys or with your platonic female friends.  There are areas that your friends can't enter and satisfy.

So, it's safe to say that romantic relationships are the only relationships formed by choice that do not have boundaries.  In romantic relationships I would hope that both individuals can be open, can be vulnerable with the other person.  That is why most sane people take the time to make sure the person they become romantically intimate is kosher because the person they choose is given the ability and the permission to permeate areas that your friends or even your parents cannot.

Being that women are generally more romantic from conception, I can understand why romance and love would be a constant desire.  From childhood we were taught that Cinderella needed her Prince Charming to save her from the evil stepmother, that Jasmine needed her Aladdin to take her on a ride on the magic carpet, and that Barbie needed her Ken to go along with her Malibu Beach House.

Women desire to be desired.  Cinderella was chosen out of all the girls at the ball, Aladdin chose Jasmine out of all the women in the kingdom (Maybe her being a princess had something to do with that, I don't know.), and I would assume Ken chose Barbie out of all the Mattel dolls.  I want to be chosen.  I want to be chosen as someone's #1 pick.  I want to be chosen as someone's friend that can get so close, so close that he chooses only me to get inside of.  The only one he chooses to release himself with physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually.  You can't get much closer than that.  With me he chooses to share his body; with me he chooses to share his deepest, darkest, most uncomfortable secrets; with me he chooses to tell me what's on his mind, what he really thinks; with me he chooses me to be one with him and journey with him as spiritual partners.

Truth is, most times you have to share your mother with your siblings, share your grandparents with cousins, your professor with classmates, share friends with friends however, you never have to share your man or woman with anyone else, at least not in the same capacity because romantic relationships are exclusive and there is only room for two.

Women just want to be exclusive, they want someone they don't have to share in the same way.  Even when a woman has a man she have to share him because there are many roles of a man (as they are for a woman), but she never have to share him in the role he plays for her.  She is the only one worthy of experiencing that role because he chose her to be his supporting cast, his co-star.  No one else.

I think it's a shame that men, based upon your question, don't desire as much or thirst for romantic love as much as women.  i am sure they would enjoy the safety, the thrill, the beauty, the freedom, the happiness, the warmth that results from such a relationship.  And to think all those perks (and more) would be consciously exclusive to them.

Bliss Like This

Sometimes I imagine sex
I imagine making love
and it's like I can feel it,
I can feel someone on me,
someone behind me,
someone touching me.
And it feels so good.
And as I imagine, I hope that when I do
make love it could at least feel like
this, like bliss.
Like I want to come out of my skin
and stay in it.
Like I want to escape my skin because
I don't deserve such bliss but
I want to stay in my skin because
no one but me deserves this.

The Cave and Explorer Concept


This bliss I imagine...
I hope I can give that to a man.
Sometimes I feel intimidated by
the thought of making love...
because making love has a lot of
responsibility.
It's just not about me, it's about him too.
I know that it is socially accepted
that men have sole responsibility
to provide the pleasure and that the
responsibility for the woman ends when
she decides and allows it to happen.
I can only imagine such "rules" have been
accepted because women possess this
dark cave that bears light once
explored, a cave with many unknown
depths and spaces that the exploration
of it alone provides the adventure, the
bliss.  It's up to the cave explore to make
the exploration interesting.  Honestly,
when thinking of this cave and explorer
concept, I imagine it is a good metaphor.
For anyone can explore the cave, but
at what lengths (no pun intended) is the
explorer willing to go to discover the
wonders of the cave?  Is he only going
to explore the entryway of the cave?
Is he going to explore the walls of the
cave only?  Or is he going to explore the
cave until he gets to the end,
until he gets to the bottom, 'til he explores
each crevice, each space of the cave?
I guess that, in the case of the explorer, is
a lot of responsibility, for, although the
woman is born with this cave of unknown
space, she is providing a possibly great
adventure... if the explorer explores it
right.  Her trusting him and granting
access to him is a lot of responsibility
in itself.

____________________

Don't ask where this "concept" came from.  *smile*  I don't remember.

BUDDY

Can't see myself as much because last time I gave
my heart to such
he burned me with his touch
I gave my all to him and only him
loyalty, respect, and understanding
yet I didn't really feel loved until I
dropped the panties.

He seemed so perfect; seemed too good to
be real
then one November night he showed me
he was someone to
fear
I should have left him in May
when he decided to sway
But me trying to be a woman of maturity
tried to be open-minded and convince
myself that it was okay 'cause shit
I never expected a man to be a perfect fit.

See, I was a "good" girl before him, "good"
girl while with him, and a "good" girl after
him however, I saw that me being good
didn't prevent my heart, dreams, and
securities to be broken.
Plus it seems like the only girls that
are getting male attention are the ones
that are open.

I've tried and I'm still trying to get to know men
for them
I take an interest in a man because I want to
know him, what drives him?, who do he want
to be?, who is he?
but men only want to be
my BUDDY
men don't take enough interest in me
to get to know me
what drives me?, who do I want to be?,
befriend me and really have the
patience to get to know me

You and he will see that it's not that
I have trouble being a phenomenal
woman
It's you that have something obscuring your view
that prevents you from seeing me as such

________________________

True story.

My Love Confusion

If you can't tell by now, I'm quite the romantic.  Love, once upon a time, was a constant thought.  Now, I'm more confident that it'll come when it's my time to reap such a reward.  I no longer consume my mind with the possibilities of it.  I simply believe and wait.  *smile*

_______________________

They said or better someone explained to me
that confusion is the art of the devil.
Could I say then that my love confusion
is due to Lucifer's doings?

Are my sleepovers at my male friend's house then
the devil's work or could it possibly be the making
of Love, which is God?

Is my trusting, and openness, the makings of
Love or Confusion?

How about my certainties and insecurities?
Love or Confusion?

My urgency, and impatience, Love or Confusion?

My acceptance, and independence; Love or Confusion?

My heart's desires...  Love or Confusion?

I'm not sure of who, what, or why love is so
confusing but I am sure of one thing...

Love will overcome all confusion!

____________________________

As I read this poem again, I realize how much I've grown.  The fact that I even have a blog is a testament of how open and unashamed and confident I am because 1) I'm private.  Period.  and 2) the fact that I'm admitting that I had "sleepovers" is a bit surprising to me.  Granted, I didn't have intercourse with this friend, but STILL I'm sharing it.  *lqtm*  I've come a long way in more ways than one.  I'm bolder than ever; transparency is very therapeutic.

God is Love


It's said and believed by many that
God is Love
If so, why do so many fail to search for God
even I am guilty of this yet I still search for
man to fulfill that

Love

Is it that I am guilty of looking at men religiously
Is it that I believe a man is the image of God
and since man is more accessible I find it
easier and more realistic to obtain the love that
I can feel from man instead of God
a being I am taught exists
At least I know man exists so surely his love
exists too
But can I say the same with certainty about
God

__________________

Indeed, I can today.  *smile*  In fact, I know that God is the best man, and His love is the best, I could ever have.

The Black Woman

Sun's bright but gloom still exists.
Yellow and gray
Blue as the sky that holds the sun and gloom.
Yet a smile still appears on my face.

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