Love Turns to Hate

[Before I begin with this next post, let me address what I'm sure some people may be thinking "How does she remember what she said?"  ...Remember in "Passing It On" when I said that there have been topics that I have wanted to share here and that I want to say the same thing I may have said in conversation but more efficiently for a blog entry?  Well, when those conversations are had in written form, I sometimes save them for future reference.  Now that I'm writing "Passing It On" entries, all I have to do is edit and paste it onto here.  *lol*  ...YES!  ...Now, to the entry.]

So, someone was stating on a public forum that love is funny because it can quickly turn to hate.  This is my reply:


Hmmm. I'm not sure I agree. It's been my experience (again, I said, "my experience") that love takes a long time to turn. And even when it turned ...hate didn't form. Just hurt, dislike, and maybe a bit of distrust was formed. I actually still love those who contributed to such feelings. I just can't do it in the way I'd once wished to. I have to love them within the ...circumstances they have fostered. Typically that means I have to love them, as I say, "from a distance". The position's still the same (I love them), but the conditions aren't the same (we are no longer a couple or friends), so I have to love within that capacity. So the love looks different but it's still there. There is no hate.


So, maybe the love didn't turn to hate. Hate is a STRONG word. I mean, there is no compromise with hate. You despise whatever it is that you are referring to; there is no inkling of respect, love, anything good. (I have a strong dislike, possibly hate, for flies. (Yeah, I know. Flies.) I go to NO end to destroy that fly, KILL that fly. You understand what I'm saying? So...) Maybe it (love) hasn't changed, just the conditions of how the love can be expressed or shared.


In science we learned how water can be formed into a gas, liquid, and solid. Well, let's look at love as water. Whether in the form of gas (romantic), liquid (platonic/friendship), or solid (family), the water (love) is still water (love) it just takes different shape under different conditions. *smile* (I hope that gave you a visual of my point.)


I've "preached", "taught", enough. *smile* Hope it gave you a possible view point of what may have occurred that has influenced [you to say this]. Hate is SO strong, I doubt very much that people actually hate at all. They may dislike, but hate? I don't think most of us are capable. *smile*

"I Like You. It's Just Bad Timing."

Have you ever had someone tell you that they like you enough to date, but the timing was all wrong?  ...And then find that they began dating someone else soon after this disclosure.  The question that a friend asked on a public forum was "How do you evaluate that?"  This is my reply:

I think initially I would be mad/sad. No one likes to be rejected. But after I put my emotions to the side (which can be easier said than done, because, hey, it hurts) I can see it as if (in my case since I'm female *lol*) the man doesn't believe that he is yet the man he needs to be to be with a woman like me. I would respect him for respecting me enough to not knowingly cross that line prematurely and take advantage of the love I have for him (because when I love I give it all). Since I've been in a similar situation before, I can attest that when I started thinking rationally of what his actions meant (he loved me enough to protect me), my love for him blossomed. He's still a dear friend of mine. And although I love him, I thank him for the rejection because with time I've learned that ... the woman I am and the man he is are best being friends. So I avoided a heartbreak and, most likely, losing a good friend.

One thing I've learned is that a man knows what he wants. If a man says he doesn't want to be with you, that he's not ready, etc. ...he means it! He means it, trust me, he does. As a woman I know from personal experience that the worst mistake we, as women, can make is think that we can change his mind, convince him otherwise. I SAY LIVE YOUR LIFE AND TAKE HIS WARNING. Now, if you two are friends, which I hope would be the case, if you are considering him to be your (possible) life partner, in time it is likely that he may one day be ready AND want you, but it's gonna take you to just be yourself--be his friend, and not some woman who is waiting around desperately but living her life happily... with him as a friend--not you hitting him in the head with not-so-subtle hints that you are his future wife. A man has to find that out for himself. That's why I think it is said "A man that finds a wife finds a good thing" (Proverbs 18:22) because when a man sees a woman to be his wife with his OWN eyes, his OWN discovery you better believe it's the best thing he's ever seen--the one woman who he wants, needs and therefore willingly CHOOSES (not forcingly pressured) to spend the rest of his life together and create wondrous things with the love they share (which won't happen if he resents you for pressuring him to marry you). 'Cause I can tell you, as a woman who has seen potential in a few men in my past (keyword "past" meaning they are no longer here presently, which means what I wanted definitely wasn't what God wanted for me), I have met my husband 3 times, maybe 4 times. *lol* I'm serious. So I thank God for the men who didn't want me enough to be loyal or enough to even cross the line of friendship because, if I had made it my way, I would be in a miserable relationship with a guy I once admired and the man that was meant for me would be passing me by.

Rejection's good! We just HAVE to see the blessing in it. Rejection is like protection. For real.

Passing It On

Ok, so sometimes there are SO many topics that I want to write about--things that come up in everyday conversation and I address in everyday conversation--but my effort to present my point efficiently (informative and yet not lengthy) as possible sometimes poses more of a delay than expressing myself.  (I try not to bore you to death or annoy you with talking too much; I know I'm long-winded.  *lol*)  So I think I'm going to write entries called "Passing It On".

They will be excerpts of conversations that relate to topics that I want to write about and I tend to have with my friends and associates, pretty frequently actually.  (That's another thing, some topics are so popular that I feel like I've discussed it so many times in depth that by the time I want to share my thoughts with my Fellow Royals I feel like I'm being redundant).  Of course, I would present them here in a way that would keep the one(s) I was initially conversing with unidentifiable, but it will consist of enough information that will not take away from the point (my opinion and/or what I believe to be true) I am trying to share.  I think it would be much easier for me to share what I believe to be beneficial dialogue regarding a, usually, complex topic if I just presented my stance in a conversation format, when possible.  Now, friends, this does NOT mean you have to censor yourself or hesitate to talk to me in fear of being outed on my blog.  *lol* It just means that you may read a blog entry and read something that sounds familiar.  *smile*

So, to my 7 faithful followers (I see you!), I should be posting more entries more frequently; posting as I am inspired or moved by a conversation.

Fellow Royals, thanks for taking time to read my entries!  I appreciate it.  This blog was simply a public venue for me to gain some confidence and ...have a therapy session of sorts with myself.  You'd be surprised how empowered you can be by shedding light on your thoughts--whether of pride or shame--on a soap box... regardless of someone listening or not. It was quite a selfish purpose actually.  But because I dare not think the questions I ponder, the thoughts I have, the viewpoint I have or the emotions I feel are totally unique I'd hoped that if someone just happened to come across Royal By Nature they may be inspired and encouraged for the better.  And now that I have been told that I do inspire and encourage with my way with words--ironically by those that have yet to visit my blog but has conversed with me personally--I have been more willing to share links of my blog on social networks.  Thank you, heavenly 7!  *lol*

Peace.

Untitled (Expectations, Disappointments & ...Self-Accountability)

Have you ever grown interested in someone and find yourself disappointed because things aren't going as you expected?  Well, I know I have.

Relationships are so complex.  Which is why I understand why people tend to keep their guard up--because to not have it up leaves them susceptible to becoming too comfortable with people who may not be here tomorrow.  Unfortunately, by nature we are very penetrable.  It is easy for us to receive information at face value (especially when there are tender eyes and a lovely smile attached to it)--"Ok, if s/he does that it means this"--in a 1 + 2 = 3 formula.  But what many of us find is that such trust in others' actions may lead to disappointment because we find that things aren't always as they seem.  ...Or, more likely, we find that our expectations aren't met.

And I guess that's what it boils down to--expectations.  It is so easy to expect certain things when we naturally expect 1 + 2 to equal 3... as nature has proven.  Too bad relationships, a thing of nature, are more complex than any mathematical problem you can think of.  There is no formula.  Just hope and discernment.  We all are microcosms of complexity and no two people are the same and therefore no two circumstances are the same.  And although there is plenty of wisdom to be found regarding relationships, there is no guarantee that when applied you will get the same result (answer) as the person from whom you received the advice (formula) as they did when they applied it to someone completely different than who you wish to apply the wisdom.  *whew*  And, for argument's sake, if you do apply the wisdom to the same person as the wise advisor, there is no guarantee that the person whom the wisdom is being applied to will react to it the same way when you do apply it.  You get my drift?  Relationships are complex!  But, it is possible to eliminate some complexities.

Now, let's talk about us and what we can control--ourselves.  I have found from the few times I liked-liked a guy that I sometimes--ok, ... most times--expect things I have no business expecting.  Period.  I know I'm not the only one guilty of this because I have had enough friends and associates--male and female--express the same thing.  They just didn't know it.  *lol*  So I encourage us to be self-accountable.  I find people tend to make themselves victims by placing blame on the other for hurting them--not meeting their expectations.  Truth is we should be accountable for our own disappointments because the other has less control (especially at the "I like him/her" stage of the relationship) of what information (actions or lack thereof) we process or, most important, how we compute it in our self-made equations.  "He's been asking about my day for 28 days, he should have asked me on a date by now."  "She's been laughing at my jokes every time our friends get together, why isn't she accepting my advances?"  We tend to dismiss them with ill thoughts when they don't do things we expect them to do in the time frame we expect them to take place.  And it really is unfair.  (And yes, yes, yes, of course s/he is a 'jerk' for misleading you and of course you can be emotionally affected by your disappointments, but) I would encourage you to put your emotions on the shelf and access the circumstance fairly.  Did they mislead you or did you mislead yourself?  I have decided that, if someone did not vow to be whatever I expected them to be, I have no right to be mad at them for not meeting the expectation.  (Of course it hurts because when you like someone--most of us like them for good reason; they're interesting, they have good energy, they're the type of person you'd like to know--you would like them to have a lasting role in your life.  ...And if you're like me, a romantic, which means that my imagination tends to guide me to thoughts of  future tense, it can feel like a dream has been put to death... again, but the reality is they aren't responsible for my dreams and) They owe me nothing.  Period.  I chose to interact with them.  I accepted their doings and sayings, applied the mathematical formula I believed to be fitting for their actions, and came to the conclusion/theory/answer that resulted in me forming an expectation.

Sometimes, ladies and gentlemen, people are no more than what they are presenting to you--a guy that asks about your day, a girl that finds your jokes funny.  And that's it.  Not the guy that asks about your day and will one day become your future kids' father.  Not the girl that finds your jokes funny and will one day sit on the porch swing with you in old age.  It's possible, but that's not the case today.  So be careful looking so far ahead that your disappointment that things aren't going as expected destroys your chance of having what you didn't expect--a new friend or a new supporter of your dreams.  (Yeah, I know, that's not what you want.  I get it.  But you also don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you romantically either.  You're not a charity case.)  See, sometimes people are only guaranteeing you the here and now (today).  And the future (tomorrow... yeah, literally tomorrow) is still up for consideration.

And sometimes we don't give him or her a chance!  We get so impatient--forgetting that relationships are best slow cooked, not nuked in a microwave--and our expectations get the best of us.  Life, like us, is complex and sometimes life, which consists of time and priorities doesn't allow us to do what we want to do (or at least not the way we prefer to do it).  It's likely that s/he has considered you for the future--they are interested in you and they find you funny--but you are not a priority worthy of their time... right now.  I think the BEST thing an old friend told me once was "Tell me what you know, not what you think" because there have been times that I could have destroyed what is if I had acted upon the conclusions of what I thought was.  We often form conclusions based upon what we feel (think) and not facts (know).  With new relationships, especially, we have to remove our emotions and make conclusions of people's character (and/or actions) based upon facts.  We feel like we're being ignored or we've been forgotten, but the fact is that we haven't heard from him or her in a while. The fact is we don't know why we haven't heard from them in a while.  Maybe they are swamped with work and/or school, maybe they are on vacation, maybe they lost their phone, maybe they are on a mental/spiritual hiatus, maybe they are a clown in the circus, maybe they don't like you.  The point is you don't know, so until that maybe turns into a definite yes or no, don't conclude the worst.  Time will tell.  Trust me.  But if you count them out before time gives you the final answer, you'll never know what could've, should've, or would've been.  Only time will let you know whether you are 'smelling the coffee' or 'jumping to conclusions'.

I remember when I graduated from my alma mater, it just seemed as if none of my best friends... were my friends.  They weren't answering phones call, returning phone calls or any form of communication and I started to feel discarded.  I started to have a pity party and think "Wow.  I thought they were my friends.  I guess not."  But then my ability to think about more than one thing at once kicked in and I was also thinking "Ok, be rational.  Everyone is embarking on a new chapter in their lives.  They might just be busy.  All I know is that they aren't communicating with me, but I don't know why.  I need to check my ego; the world does not revolve around me and I can't possibly expect my friends, who are starting new careers and/or grad school all while juggling boyfriends/husbands (and surely other things), to make me a top priority right now."  ...Let's just say that I found with time that my rational self was right and my emotional self was ALL wrong.  If I had acted on my former thoughts, I could have burnt bridges.  Now, if you're saying to yourself "Well, I don't know what to think.  I can't tell if s/he is playin' with my emotions or not", I say, "Ask him/her."   The truth of the matter is this, if someone REALLY doesn't want to be bothered with you, they won't be bothered, they won't take time to answer your question.  Remember, people do what they want to do.  And eventually they will.  Now, please don't assume they don't want to be bothered, if they don't answer you when you expect them to.  I'll also say, "In the meantime of waiting for the answer live your life."  Don't wait by the phone.  Don't check your email... and your Facebook Inbox ...and his or her Wall every 15 minutes to see if their Recent Activity gives you signs of life.  Because with time you will find the truth and there's no sane reason to make yourself miserable, when indeed you may have been smelling the coffee and just needed time to confirm it OR you had been jumping to conclusions and needed time to confirm that you were giving yourself heartache for 'nothing'.

Being patient when seeking answers is best.  I mean, time doesn't lie.  That's for sure.  It frees your mind from asking yourself a bunch of questions that cannnot be answered unless time passes and you look around and realize s/he never got back to you or you have heard from them.  And, if the latter occurs, it would be much easier to lightheartedly inform them that you thought you would never hear from them again than it is to shamefully explain that you didn't know it was s/he calling because you deleted their phone number from your cellular, that you would like them to accept your Friend Request because you removed them from your Friends List, and that you hope they forgive you for all the poor things you said about them when you dragged their precious name in the mud to anyone who was willing (or held hostage) to listen to your woes.

Sometimes we expect people to act in a capacity that they aren't meant to fulfill, that they don't want to fulfill and it's arrogant of us to take the stance that ultimately states s/he should act in the capacity that we want them to--our lover, our best friend, whatever we desire and expect of them.  "How dare they?", we ask.  But the question is "How dare we conclude that someone in whom we have grown interested should have the same interest in us?  And if they don't, deem something to be wrong with them (or ourselves) because they rejected us?"  Reality is it's simply a case of two people wanting two different things and therefore what you desire is not what's best for you anyways.  Listen, I don't care how great, beautiful, lovely he or she is, if they don't want to be more than friends (or strangers for that matter) that is their prerogative. And it's not fair to question their choice or their character.  If you disagree, I'll tell you what I have had to tell myself, "Get over yourself, learn the lesson (there is one... and it most likely has everything to do with you), and move on."  Rise above despair.  People are not evil people, generally, who interact with others for the sole purpose of abusing them--giving them false impressions, hurting their feelings, and contributing to their mental and emotional distress.  I think sometimes we meet a person, build a relationship of some sort with them, and in the meantime obtain in-/direct messages from them and come to develop a mental list of what and what not this person is capable of doing.  And when they do the unexpected, which tends to disappoints us, we deem the person a 'jerk' (or worse).  When in reality, they are all that they've always been--usually good--we just don't see it to be so because we have limited their goodness to our expectations.

Another good read, A Week Later, that is somewhat related.  If I was a poetic storyteller, I would have said it like this--engaging, funny, short & sweet.

Love Is In the Air

Love is in the air.  And it's not blowing my way.


Sometimes I feel guilty because I have friends and loved ones who love me... and yet I want more.  Is it wrong that I want love... and romance?  Is it a crime that I want someone and I want them to want me too?  *smile*  Of course not.  But, as a single, I sometimes find myself wrestling with satisfaction and dissatisfaction, with patience & acceptance vs. impatience & downright pity for myself.


I promise.  I am happy for those who are cultivating new relationships, getting engaged, and getting married.  I am.  I love to see people united as one.  Two people who chose each other.  I do.  Yet I have to be honest, there are times that I find my happiness for someone else turn to sadness for myself.  My smile of joy for them turn into tears of pain for myself.  It's not jealousy.  I am happy for them.  I mean it.  I'm just sad for me.  Sad for the part of me that desires such a bond.  ...As a single, I have many days when I embrace my singleness; the idea of just being unattached to anyone and hence granted the freedom to consider no one else when I decide to travel and explore and experience this world just brings about such excitement!  But then there are many days when I care not about exploring the world and wish I could have someone with whom I can shut the world out and just be with.  Just us.  Only us.  And I'm not talking just anyone, but someone special.  Someone who's presence alone would suffice, if there were no T.V., no food, no A/C or heat, no comfy sofa to cuddle on.  Just us.  Just him because I can look in his eyes and upon his face for hours, and his words are of substance, and no matter the weather it's ok with him, and he's soft and yet firm enough to bring me comfort.  Someone who finds his comfort in me, too.


But the reality is ...love is in the air and it's not blowing my way.  Admittedly, the realization of that brought me to tears, but after my pity party and (thank God) my tendency to reflect upon myself, I came to the realization that the wind's not blowing my way because it's not my season.  Everything has timing and romantic love is not scheduled to arrive yet.  See, the truth is I'm not ready for love.  Not because I am afraid to love, unwilling or unable to love, but because I am not ready to love.  It's a truth that I really hate to admit, especially publicly because some interesting/ed man may be reading this entry, but I can not lie.  I'm not ready.


I was sharing with a friend, who is convinced that I have men just beating my door down to get to know me-- *tsk* I don't, that I have come to the conclusion that embarking on a serious relationship would probably be a disservice to whomever involved.  Again, not because I'm unlovable or incapable of loving, but because I would like to offer more.  You know, those little things that aren't so little that distinguishes a woman from a girl.  I want to bring those things to the table.  There's much growing up I need to do and molding that need to take place.  In so many ways, I feel like a girl.  I've been legally able to drink for two years and I am two years shy of being a quarter of a century old (How old am I?  *smile*) ...and I still feel like a girl.  I'm in need of a lot of exploring and experiencing--within and outside myself.  And, yes, of course I can do those things with a man, but I'm not sure if I am ready for that.


See, I'm not sure if I am rooted in God enough to do that yet.  I can't say with confidence that, if he is an AWEsome man, that I won't in some way make him into a god--attributing him to all my discoveries and therefore equating him to be an intricate factor of all my God-given blessings.  (I'm just being honest.)  I know in my past that when I was in admiration of a man (I may be using "man" too loosely) that, although I know there is a God and I thank God for this (hu)man's presence, I grew to depend on him dangerously, in that he tended to govern my sense of joy and peace.  I would like to think that I have grown from those childish ways, but I've yet to have the opportunity to find out, and I don't think I want to find out by possibly making some great man my guinea pig by discovering such weaknesses while involved with him.  (I fear (although unintentionally) hurting someone.)  Nah.  I refuse.  I can't do that.  So with that being said, I am just about sure that I'm not ready.


And so the questions are "What do I do in the meantime?" and "How do I obtain true peace with my singleness when I have this natural yearning to have intimacy and create all the things that could result from such a relationship?"  ...Well, I need to take this time to grow and be molded into the woman that the man I would deem a potential Mr. Right would deem a potential Mrs. Right.  "Mrs. Right" because I know full well that dating someone just to have fun and pass the time is not appealing to me.  Dating someone because we can see each other to be "Right" for us is the idea I have in mind.  ...And when I honestly embrace that reality I can't help but laugh at myself for being frustrated that no one has chosen to date me (I don't mean take me on a date, for there is a difference between going on a date and dating someone).  For when I ask myself, "Am I ready to be a wife?", the answer is "No".  [Not unless a man wants a woman, who in many ways feel like a girl because she has yet to come into her own--get a sense of self.  Furthermore, she very well may fail to bring peace and pleasure after the Honeymoon phase because, even in her singleness, she fails to faithfully cultivate an intimate and organic relationship with the only ONE that loves her unconditionally, the ONE that is always faithful to her.  (It's fair to say, if I'm not faithful to Him, I will not be faithful to him.  (Unfaithfulness doesn't have to mean sexual immorality, but unfaithfulness in that duties/responsibilities as a wife (and husband) are not being met holistically.))]  I mean, I cry myself a river, but I have to check myself!  I look forward to treating a man, comforting a man, getting to know a man ...and I've yet to do those things for/with myself--not the way I'd like to.  I've yet to treat myself to something really nice.  I've yet to provide myself with my ideal comfort.  I've yet to get to know myself--all that I am and am not and can be.  I haven't--mostly due to not being in season to do so.  So, when I accept that reality, it becomes so logically sound (and therefore I gain peace in knowing) that it is not the season for the warm and yet cool breeze of love to blow my way because I am not ready to love.  Again, I can, but I do believe that I would be cheating him because I'm still working towards my full potential.  I've just gotten started!--and I think to get involved with a man who could very well get accustomed to and find comfort in the things about me that I care not to sustain would be a tragedy.  Plus, I think any man would appreciate a woman who's got her own--whether it's her own self-made money or her own self-made confidence.


Surely, things of this matter are not very black and white.  There is room for a gray scale because the truth is we will always be working towards our potential, we may always be an incomplete puzzle, there is always room to grow and develop.  Indeed, in many ways I am very much a woman and have much to positively contribute to a relationship, and only God knows for what I am ready.  With that said, though, the one commonality that is shared among all the couples (that show signs of good health) is a sense of balance--a sense of individuality, a sense of maturity--that fosters a sound foundation of friendship and security.  And, when I am actually transparent with myself, I find that I still need to gain a sense of identity and independence, well-roundedness and grown woman-ness ...a sense of regal queenliness that exudes from the inside-out, which results from self-discovery, self-awareness, and self-assurance.  Self.  No one else.  So, in all honesty, if any man were to believe that I am his potential Mrs. Right, he would have to know into what season I am growing and be prepared to join me for the journey--even the risks.  We would have to practice much honesty, transparency, respect and communication regarding what is taking place between us collectively and within us individually.  For I don't need a savior to supply a deficiency, but a man to be an addition to my own greatness.  ...And I can't ask him to add to anything that I have yet to discover myself.


For those who are reading this and can identify, I think it's fair to say that, even if we have a desire for something, it does not mean that the season of which that desire should manifest is now.  Also, I'm not saying that I will no longer have the days that I don't mind being single, but find myself wondering "Why haven't one man found me worthy enough to pursue, let alone interesting enough to call me or say 'hi' from time to time?". ('Cause, in honesty, most days it's not singleness that bothers me, but the appearance that no man has deemed me 'enough' that bothers me the most--'enough' for them, 'enough' to invest in.  ...They window shop.  *smile*)  But I hope that in knowing that this is a season and knowing that no man owes me anything, not even his love, and that some people aren't meant to see me for good reason, will bring me comfort on those days.


I'm a romantic, always have been--I'm not so much the "I've already planned my wedding" kinda romantic but the "I look forward to express my love for him" romantic--, so I am sure to have many daydreams of possibilities to come from time-to-time.  I still look forward to that season of which I will be Mrs. Right for Mr. Right and we envelop ourselves in an unique love shared between two people that begets freedom-- freedom to be ourselves, express ourselves, and give of ourselves without shame, fear, or inhibition--and bound by God.


In continuation of answering the first question posed above, in the meantime, I will live my life--seeking the world around me and God near me--and therefore seeking myself, for I will be taking time to explore, discover, and become myself, so that such an environment for love can cultivate.


I believe ...love is sure to blow my way... when I'm ready--to respect it's purpose, an addition not a completion of myself.

"If I Was Your Wife" by K-Love

they say,

“when you know better,
you do better”.
and, baby,
if i was more pleasing to God, i’m sure i could be pleasing you
better than ever before.
yes, you’ve had it before,
but never before quite like this.
imagine
your favorite meal,
main course intercourse served with no remorse as a side dish.
imagine
all your favorite positions with
no conviction or repentance, imagine the intensity
of me making love to you with no inhibitions.
baby, listen,
after you carry me through the threshold
this sometimes timid girl in the bedroom might become the best pro you’ve ever known
without a vex hold about our relations.
imagine the ease on my mind
as you please
and i call out on God’s name.
no longer ashamed to face Him.
no longer carrying the guilt of a sin in the form
of fornication.
think for one moment.
wouldn’t it be nice
if i was more than your woman,
if i was your wife?
not to be confused with your wifey.
see that’s a false term of endearment;
more like a hood thing.
proverbs 18:22 says that when a man finds a wife he’s found a
good thing,
and king if i was your queen, i’d hold you down.
to make sure you rise right to the highest of heights and at night, i’d
put it down.
to make sure you rise right and ready
with stilettos and a teddy,
i’d keep you right and ready to greet your day as i lay my head on your chest.
give sweet pecks
to your pecs.
take you to the place where love making meets sweet sex,
sheets wet
from sweet sweat as we
both gasp for sweet breaths of life, yes,
if i was your wife, i’d
go down before the sun comes up.
turn from super freak to mommy dearest before your son gets up.
see, i’d have breakfast ready even before your tummy wakes up.
see, even before my honey wakes up i’m gon’
give your back a sweet rub as i speak to God in sweet tongues;
asking him to encamp angels about you as you
go about your day while you lie still, still thinking i’m just rubbing your back.
baby, your wife is up bright and early casting our wrath,
canceling satan’s attack on the black man,
rebuking any trouble that comes to stumble your way;
it doesn’t get any better than that, man.
as i pray for your day in more ways to keep our love alive,
more days than eternity.
i want each day that you wake up and turn to me you know the reason that you said, “i do”.
when was the last time that you had a woman that lays you like i do and prays for you, too,
as she prays
for you two to become one flesh?
i want to nourish your soul as well as your flesh.
yes, if i was your wife, i’d
study your likes and dislikes and even in dim light you’d still look perfect
like the son of God.
baby, that’s why when you get home from your job
your feet deserve a massage.
and since i know how hard life can be,
i dedicate my prayers to asking God to make me the best wife that I can be.
with fresh fruit, i wanna greet you,
lie down at the feet of you with my alabaster box
and i won't stop until you feel like you can walk on water
like your father.
already know times gonna get tough, but i’m gon’ pray harder
than your day was.
there’s no other way, love.
huh,
what you say love?
i mean, i’m listening to anything you want to get off your chest.
see, with me, your wife, you can relieve your stress.
when the world stings you,
i’ll esteem you.
when doubt tries to halt you, i’ll exhalt you.
i was always taught to treat a man like a man.
so whether we’re in public or in the bed
i’m gon’ submit to my head like the neck does when it nods.
treat you like the god God always intended you.
invest in your interest like buying out stock.
infinite shares in your care so i can share your blessing and burden.
so, it’s like when you sow it,
i’d reap it.
gotta secret?
i’d keep it.
our spirits so meshed like kindred, baby, when you sin,
i repent.
and since i bear your last name, love,
its only right that when you hurt,
i pain love.
when you cry,
my sky rains love like thunder.
see, what God has joined together.
let no man, woman, nor stormy weather ever put asunder.
that’s why i never have to worry or wonder when i kiss your full lips if you'll
dip for the next chick with full hips, see.
i know that you honor God, too, and you wouldn’t want to ruin y’all relationship.
as you love me like Christ loved the church.
you can ask my parents.
it's apparent after 29 years, yes, marriage still works, if you work it.
so, i’m gon’ stay on the clock
more than a minute hand.
even on those nights when you’re a
minute man,
i won't even trip.
i’ll just watch the clock as it ticks and count the seconds until you’re in it again.
made a vow unto God first, so
ain’t no other man entering in the grooves along my thighs;
have been personalized for your size only.
i still believe in the union of marriage and matrimony.
that’s why i know when you know better,
you do better.
and, baby,
if i was more pleasing to God,
i’m sure i could be pleasing you
better than ever before.
yeah, you’ve had it before,
but never before quite like this.
imagine
if i was your wife.

Visit http://www.myspace.com/1klovethepoet to hear K-Love perform this poem!

Complexities ...and Misunderstandings

Sometimes I wish I could be cut open, so that all the colors of me could run out to be displayed.

Maybe then I would be understood.

I'm a woman of many complexities.  Many insecurities and securities.  Fear and bravery.  Many highs and lows.  Dreams and nightmares.

And I act accordingly.  But I do try.  I try to have more faith in my dreams than my fears, my strength than my weakness.

Sometimes I'm scared.  Sometimes I'm foolish.  Sometimes I'm not.

Either way, please, try to understand.