Thursday, August 1, 2013


I want in-to-me (intimacy) SO bad.

The desire for it awakes me each day. And each night it puts me to sleep.

It's the very thing that fosters my dreams and yet breaks my sleep.

I want it so bad I can feel it.
Except there's no sense of fulfillment, satisfaction, purpose.
Warmth. Connection.
Because it's now only a figment of my imagination.
A source of emptiness.
A silent killer.
A vicious one, reminding me of this void I have.
This dis-connect.
This dis-content.

That no one's in-to-me enough to pursue intimacy with me.


I can't settle for "Maybe".

Maybe I love you.

Maybe I'll stay.

I Miss You

I miss you more, than you'd ever believe.
When you come home,
I hope you'll never leave.
When you're around, gray skies seem blue.
Cold air warms me, when I'm with you.
The air smells sweet, my heart skips a beat.
I've fallen in deep, I dream of you when I sleep.
There's something about the way I feel.
When I think of you,
It's my heart you steal.
I hope you're safe, wherever you are. But I tell myself, you're with me even if you're so far.


Forget about me (all the way)
'Cause any act of remembrance pulls me in
And we both know there's no hope for me in that.


I wanna be numb.
I don't wanna feel.
Tired of being sincere,
Loving hard and it being taken for granted.
But that's today.
Only today, for tomorrow I'm sure to love again without a need for reciprocation.

Feel For You

I don't pity you.
I don't feel sorry for you.
But I feel for you,
Hope for you,
Pray for you
Because it must be hell for you to touch and yet not feel.

Sunday, March 31, 2013

Force Fields & Potholes

The one who holds your attention is often the one whom can't be held onto.

I seemingly have this force field that keeps men from getting too close or seeing me ...clearly.
No, no. Not because I activate this barrier but because apparently I'm resistible.

Has a man ever called me "resistible"? No, but they usually start the race of "Pursuit" and then before finishing the first leg, they run off the track without any explanation as to why.

That's the "Story of My Life," as it's said. But in all sincerity, I do believe this is just a part of my journey. One of which I may never get used to but one of which I'll understand is...part of my journey. Just like your route to work. You may know that a particular intersection or part of an interstate is bound to have traffic, or has that terrible pothole. You don't get used to it - it still annoys you - but it's just something to expect on your way.

One thing about a journey is the undeniable truth that there is a destination. And I believe that my destination are my dreams, my heart's desires. God knows what they are, and... He never has us go through anything without a reward for our perseverance and patience in faith. Now, will the reward ever be the honor of being a "Mrs."? Only God knows, but I have faith that vision will manifest and be a small part in the "Story of My Life".

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