Saturday, December 24, 2011

The Beginning & The End

"You may have never realized that every time you check your calendar or refer to a date or write one down, you are using Jesus Christ as your reference point.

Because of Jesus, history is divided in BC (before Christ) and AD (anno Domini, in the year of the Lord). Every other event in history and every event on your calendar today is dated by how many days and years it has been since Jesus Christ appeared on earth.

Even your birthday is dated by his birthday."

excerpt from Rick Warren's The Purpose of Christmas

He Is... The Resolution

I am so far removed.

That realization sometimes makes me feel damned to Hell.
Like I have no hope, no chance at being whom God wants me to be.
Sometimes my mind gets the best of me & I'm convinced that maybe I'm not chosen.
That I'm no child of God because there's this hole in my heart that God has yet to be able to fill.
I have desires that God's love just doesn't seem to satisfy.
And sometimes my way seems best, feels best.
I enjoy it.
At times, unapologetically.

On this day I just want to thank God for
His mercy, His grace, His love, His forgiveness.
All of which I abuse.
Take for granted even.
I am a mess. And yet I know He loves me.
I can't imagine loving like that.
I would love to, but I'm not sure any (wo)man could.

God, I'm grateful for the birth and physical death of Jesus.
For the Spirit that pricks my heart, and therefore reassures me that I'm not all bad.
God, as the new year approaches, it is my prayer that I find more pleasure in You,
that I am more pleasing to You
for no other reason than to truly show & prove to You that
I love You.

That's the least I can do.


Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Risk Of Faith

On This Day In 2010: "Sa'Toya Truss is taking a risk of faith ...and such an act may appear crazy to others. | "A risk of faith takes you toward your Dream, even if it doesn't feel comfortable to you." (Bruce Wilkinson)" 

Things are coming FULL circle. *SMILE*

Found the following two videos from a blog, It's The Rat Pack. It ministered to me. Hopefully it can minister to you.

Note: Don't get so caught up in the product that is being advertised that you miss the message.

Risks of faith takes heart. A heart that is filled with faith and fear. Fear of being anything less than one is purposed to be. Fear of  allowing one's fear overcede one's faith. For "YOU are stronger than doubt" (@Carolyn_Malachi).

In Bloom

Bold. Fearless. Faithful. No other way to be.

...Can no longer be consumed with doubt. Can no longer be concerned with rejection or misunderstanding. Cannot allow my mistakes and flaws to hinder me ('cause I'm gonna make 'em & I definitely have 'em). I know I say it a lot, but I must 'allow my condition to change my position'; use my mess as fertilizer and not poison. Trust the God I say I trust. Love regardless of its (seemingly) lack of return. And KNOW that as long as I have breath in my body I have purpose & GREAT potential. Flowers don't bloom overnight, but if you wish to witness transformation, keep watch ...& expect me to bloom! I am all that I am to be & all that I could never imagine myself to be. Thank you God in advance! #SomethingLikeAPhenomenon ...Yeah, I'm feelin' myself.

Back To The Old Me ...And Yet Better Than Before!

Here I am again
asking questions;
waiting to be 
I am so unsure
of my perception;
What I thought I knew
I don't seem to.
Where is the turn,
so I can get back to what I believe in?
Back to the old me?


God, please hear my call.
I am afraid
for me.
Love has burned me raw;
I need your healing,

I am such a fool!
How did I get here?
Played by all the rules

Then they changed.
I am but a child to your vision.
Standing in the cold 
and the rain.
Lost here in the dark,
I can't see
my foot to take a step.
What is happening?
Oh, this hurts so bad
I can hardly breathe.
I just want to leave 

This song is like a literal excerpt from my mind, my diary. I've felt this way, I've said these things. ...For more than 2 years now I have been trying to "get back to the old me". But as much as this song has touched me, in my reflection of just how close to home this song is I’ve realized just how far I’ve come. This summer & the lessons learned up until this very moment have brought me to a place in my journey of which I feel like I've seen the darkest of the darkness in which I've been lost. In fact, I know I am finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Life is truly coming full circle for me. I'm gaining clarity in various areas of my life. And I'm so excited! I'm so humbled. When I declared & proclaimed that " 2009: Caterpillar (lowest point of my LIFE). 2010: Cocooned (rejuvenation). 2011: Butterfly (enough said). #2011istheYearofMYBreakthrough" I truly had no idea!

If it required me to play by the rules and for them to change, to be foolish, to ask questions regarding my worth in order for me to call out to God and for Him to hear me and gain answers that would move me to change for the better & gain a better appreciation for who I am already, as hard as it is to say (because I'd hate to do it) I'd do it again. ...Indeed every relationship is a lesson. Indeed, every mistake, every flaw is an opportunity to be made aware of our lack/greatness in the moment and our potential. Indeed, God is so good, for even our detours are beneficial to our God-ordered journey. I was told recently that "The finish line is just the starting line for a bigger race." And indeed a bigger race is coming, and I wouldn't have been able to run this upcoming race with my head held high, shoulders pulled back, and assurance of who I am and how faithful God is if it hadn't been for the marathon of a race I am finishing. Looking forward to the cross countries and sprints, now! I have found a confidence like never before.

Hope floats. Faith soars. Both have gotten me to the finish line.

To Be Continued...

I had a twitter discussion recently with a new friend that has moved me to write a post (tentatively) called "Have You Ever Been Deceived?" ...Unfortunately, with all that is going on in my life and lack of time to do the scriptural research, for I don't want the post to be an opinion piece as much as I want it to be a Biblically sound post with Biblical references to support my arguments, the post is not likely to be birthed anytime soon. In the meantime, I'd like to say this, which is my opinion:

As Christians, we can't simply conclude that people simply don't wanna "STOP" their sinning. We should know better than anyone about STRONGHOLDS.

Strongholds of the MIND are fierce & AREN'T easy to shake off. But with our LOVE (& not condemnation) we can help others "shake the devil off”.

Straight. No Chaser, Please.

Don't mistake 

a d!ck

rising for 



a heart

falling for


Saturday, August 27, 2011

What Love Is

On this Saturday of which Irene is to make her presence known, I have enjoyed a day of sleeping in late, writing & watching movies. One of which, "What Love Is". My sister found it on Starz, and, although we were kinda skeptical of how good a comedy with Cuba Gooding, Jr. could be, we stayed on the channel. She laughed out loud, I half-way watched as I wrote my thoughts via Microsoft Word. After all the sexual references & profanity, the movie finally came to a point of which it was all worth it. The quote can be found below:

"...Love is a one way street, going from you out. And you give it because it makes you feel good to give it. Because when you give it, it makes you strong. And that crazy, vulnerable, out of control scary feeling, feeling that most people think is love? It's not really love at all; it's just the need to be loved. And believe me, its a really different thing. Real love isn't "I love you" hoping the other person is going to say it too. It's just, I love you. Its like giving someone a gift at Christmas, and if you get anything back, that's a bonus, that's extra. But you shouldn't NEED to receive it, cause the true strength is in the giving of it. But then again, that's just what I think. And what do I know? I don't know anything."

Yeah, I may not knowing anything either, but I totally agree.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Be Steel

A few of my male friends, who'd you'd least expect to ('cause they play(ed) pro- or semi-professional sports, or they have a great following (male & female) on twitter--you know, they're the guys that guys like & wanna be friends with and girls like & wanna be lovers with--and such guys think/believe/feel on as deep as superficialities will allow, right?), have voiced that they aren't interested in women who "go hard in the paint" to get their attention & affection. Huh? Are these men who, by many's standards, are the "best" eligible bachelors really preferring the (personas of) plain Janes over the Nicki Minajs?! 


See, some women lack the understanding that there's power in being subtle, low-key or, better stated, authentic--not a carbon copy of what's seen on EXTRA. Pop culture teaches girls to be plastic. To be caricatures of their true selves, &, even worst, mass-produced carbon copies of someone else. Where they do that at? Apparently in I-Don't-Know-Myself-Enough​-To-Love-The-Real-Me Ville. Plastic's the new real. It's the day & times in which one's effort in one's outward being takes precedence over one's inner being. It's the day of 'My *ss is my best asset (& not my heart/spirit).' It's the days in which a woman's beauty is based upon how much of a "10" she is & not in how she carries herself--the way she talks & walks. (Which is why so many girls put so much effort (or "go hard in the paint") into their outer selves in hopes of snatching a man's attention. Being EXTRA, over the top, to be seen. 

Girl, you've caught it, but can you keep it? What are you to do when another catches his attention? 

Such behavior begets a cycle of having to go hard in the paint to keep your man's attention even AFTER you got his attention because that of which you caught his attention is fleeting (outward beauty & often times lack of character & depth, which he will bore of). I can understand why you're insecure (even with your "man"). However, that seems to be the reality--the cute girl, not the nice girl or even the smart girl are getting the "ballers". Listen, Evelyn of Vh1's "Basketball Wives" is an exception NOT the rule. ...Plus consider her 'man'. (Well, maybe that's not fair. Let's just say I would pay him no mind. & yes, he would probably pay me no mind. Thank God.) Sure you can settle for what is futile ("love" based in superficiality) or you can settle for what's meaningful (love in the true essence of the meaning)). Kudos to the men for doing the Heisman on those type of girls. Such girls will benefit you in the least bit. Any lady you decide to make yours should INCREASE you, not decrease you. 

Ecclesiastes states, "Vanities of vanities, all is vanity ...[for] the conclusion of the whole matter [is] fear God & keep His commandments..." & surely finding value (& truth) in things of such folly (& limited view of one's self) is not of any substance. Ladies, if you emit light, you don't have to make yourself known. Your presence is made even in darkness. We are all unique & our light's our own. It's not better than anyone's (or less better than anyone's), it's simply our light. Allow people to bask in it. And you find confidence in it. The best beauty accessory is confidence in knowing your beauty's longevity lies deep within you (& not on the mere surface). ...It doesn't make you invisible or boring, just effortlessly attractive--a magnet, not a player in a (often times, one-sided) tug-a-war. Stop tuggin' & pullin' for men's attention. Just be "steel" & attract. 


[A recommended book for the single ladies, "The Young Lady in Waiting" by Jackie Kendall & Debbie Jones.]

Thursday, July 28, 2011

I Am... Whatever He Says I Am

All great truths begin as blasphemies.
(George Bernard Shaw, Annajanska, 1919)

I am



I am so glad that ignorance of the truth does not change the truth.

I am so glad that every day I have a chance to be made new.

I am so glad that I am officially tired...
because this condition is motivation to change my position
and that change is made with a change of mind.

I am convinced.

I am


no matter what you or anyone else thinks

OR whether I "forget" and act accordingly.

I am 


Sounds blasphemous.

I know.

(Especially with my imperfections.)

But it is the truth.

For I am fearfully & wonderfully made; made in His image, after His likeness.

I am 


For the greatest man, Jesus, who ever walked this earth died for me... with full awareness of my flaws.

(What a price to pay?! Usually no one pays (especially not with one's own lifefor something that is useless or worthless. But bottom line is this: He is the one & only authority on my worth. And HE said, I am to die for.)

...I know, such a sacrificial love sounds blasphemous. I know.

But again,

ignorance of the truth doesn't change the truth.

I am


I am convinced.


Oh, & just in case you were wondering,

You are



The truth, of course, is that a billion falsehoods told a billion times by a billion people are still false.
(Travis Walton)

The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is.
(Winston Churchill)

[Psalm 139:14, Genesis 1:26, 1 John 4:10, Romans 5:8, Psalm 139:16]

Friday, July 22, 2011

I Am Not Alone... Just Neglectful

I used to think I felt alone 'cause I wasn't in close proximity to family & friends.


Truth is...
I feel alone 'cause I'm not company to God.
He's here.
I just neglect Him.
If He was a boyfriend, He would've dumped me by now.
Thank God for His grace, mercy, love,
but I dare not continue to abuse His kindness.

I thank God for teaching me this lesson now.
As this year bring's about a transition in my life
of which I'm sure I could easily feel lonely
I'm glad that I truly know by experience
that He is the only company
that could satisfy any relational void.

Monday, June 6, 2011

My Name's Not "Complex"

I have this tendency of calling myself "complex". In reality, we are all complex. But what I have found is that I identify myself as such not in the sense of being a compound of emotions, dreams, thoughts, and behavior, but in the negative connotation of being "complicated", "hard to understand".

Yesterday while visiting a church the sermon spoke of Bartimaeus of the Book of Mark whose patronymic name meant Bar (Son of) + Timaeus (To be unclean). In essence, son of unclean (man). The pastor further spoke of the Mental Complex-Conscience Mind and how it houses our belief & value system & is the heart of the decision making process. Our decisions are either validated or rejected. What Bartimaeus was told, called became part of his belief system.

Last night my loving sister was moved to express to me that she doesn't like very much that I had called myself "complex" (quite a bit) when describing myself to some friends. I told her why I call myself "complex" & for the first time I vocalized & became aware of how my tendency to be disliked or treated coolly by people who barely know me, if at all, or my tendency to feel misunderstood has conditioned me to believe that I am "complex".

I don't want to claim that anymore. I don't want to designate myself with fault because people have obvious disdain for me--even when I know I haven't done anything (or, at least, have the heart to) disrespect, alienate, or harbor a spirit of dislike, coldness, or arrogance to people I've just met or do not know. ...Yesterday I observed some display of distaste for me--even at 7-Eleven! I just walked into the store & asked the cashier to put $40 on Pump 2. ...Don't know why two young ladies felt moved to give me the eye--but have decided that I can't consume myself with "Why doesn't she like me?, Why she actin' funny? What did I do? Why didn't she speak to me? How did I offend her? Why did she seem unpleased with me?, Why was she giving me 'the side eye'?"

...Those are problems that they have. Not me. Period. (A big fat period.) I know who I am. More important, I know that God loves me, sees me. I like the idea of people liking me. I like the idea of people seeing me clearly, seeing my heart therefore understanding me. But the truth is not everyone is going to because they, too, have a Mental Complex-Mind Conscience and the way I walk, the way I talk may very well position them to reject me.

I'm just grateful for those that approve of me and didn't miss their blessing in getting to know me--by judging me by sight.

Much peace.

---   ---   ---

I'm sure some will read this blog post & their negative stance of me will be validated by such statements as "miss their blessing in getting to know me". ...I know that when I say that, I don't say that from a place of haughtiness. Again, those who know me, know better than that. And those who doubt my humility just weren't meant to see me, I suppose. #UnfortunateReality

What do you have that God hasn't given you? And if everything you have is from God, why boast as though it were not a gift? (1 Corinthians 4:7; NLT)

Here I go. ...I still feel a need to validate myself. I'm still concerned with how I'm interpreted.*smh* I'm stopping now 'cause I have nor need to do so. I'm so tired of trying to make people, who don't even know me, understand me or like me. No one whom I don't know & therefore is insignificant to my life is worthy of all that effort. "I'm not better than other people. No. I'm just different." (K.S.B.) And people can either approve or reject that. I care not to beat myself up about their rejection of me. 

Shoot, my cube is well proportioned to the desert. *smile*

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Here today. Gone tomorrow.

In a time when it's common practice to "Unfollow", "Remove", "Ignore", "Delete", "Block" people as easily as it is to "Follow" or "Add" them, I'd like to encourage you to be grateful for those that love you, therefore keep you even when they know your worst & when you're at your worst (& definitely can't give them anything--other than your imperfect self).

...I've been told (actions speak, too) that I'm not worthy, that I'm not of value, that I'm not meaningful, that I'm not significant, that I'm not special... that I'm not loved, let alone liked. I am guilty of being convinced that I am "not"--I mean, I must not be since someone who could know me since conception can dispose of me, be as inconsiderate of my feelings, be as emotionally cold towards me as someone who has known me all of 2 months. Sad thing is, most of these people will never know how influential their actions (or lack thereof) were because hey, they're here today, gone tomorrow.

I want to thank God for a love that is forgiving, a love that is truly unconditional, for a love that seems to get better with time. A love that brings me to tears because it just keeps surprising me. Pleasantly! A love that is abundant, even when not appreciated (or truly comprehended). And for family & friends who know of such a love & therefore know how to love me in that likeness. My list of such people who give me such a love is not lengthy (and may never be), yet it's sufficient. I'm blessed to have them. And I am expectant of the list growing!

I pray that when we feel unloved, when it seems we're invisible that we remember such a love, for God loves us, sees us. He feels our every ache & yearning, He knows our desires, thoughts, strengths, weaknesses. There is no place more comforting, more safe; He's a [my] refuge. His love is better than fill in the blank.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

A Tree of Life

So I just finished reading chapter 2, "Young Lady of Diligence" of The Young Woman in Waiting. I don't know if this book is just that good or if I'm just in a place in my life where this resource is most beneficial to me. I think it's a factor of both. I believe lately I've been receiving confirmation of all things I wasn't sure of regarding my worth & purpose. Anywho... I came across the "Diligence of Ministry" section and concluded that self-doubt has limited my pursuance of ministry. Now, do I think my purpose is to be a pastor? No. But maybe a teacher, an encourager, a prayer warrior, a server, a writer, a listener, a comforter, or helper. I've always desired to do all these things in some capacity. I do believe my purpose consists of these things.

I was sharing with a friend how people seek me for advice, wisdom, guidance--even people I wasn't close friends with in or haven't spoken to since high school--and, although honored that people find me wise or mature or whatever enough to seek me out for such intimate matters, that it kinda boggles my mind why of all people they know they'll come to me. (I don't mind. I love trying to assist people through their journey of unclarity, but sometimes I don't feel worthy. I mean, I'll have a 40+ year old woman ask me about aspects of life I only have observed.) I remember the friend replying, in short, that I had influence, and I couldn't help but remember my mother telling me in recent years how when I was a child the teachers would tell her the same thing. For instance, if I wanted chocolate milk, the other kids wanted chocolate milk. (Funny, most of my life I never felt like the "cool kid".) ...I remember my teachers during my high school & college years telling me I had a gift with words & critical thinking--was a good reader, speaker, great at reasoning, connecting the dots. ...Maybe that's my gift. The gift of knowing much by experience, but mostly through observation & what I consider common sense and knowing how to articulate it. And influence people with it. I'm not sure I know what my gifts are necessarily. All I know is that I need to put use to what I'm naturally inclined to do, desire to do, what I feel a sense of purpose doing. For God's sake.

I like to think I am in some way with my nuggets of "wisdom" shared via Facebook statuses, notes, twitter tweets, this blog post, or even in communicating with people the old-fashion way, but I think I've put a cap on my potential by not qualifying myself with proper training. I mean, I'm great at using Blue Letter Bible or Got Questions, Google Search or old-fashioned searching the Bible's concordance, if ever I am moved to give a scripture of wisdom in conjunction with my words of encouragement or point of view real quick, but I believe my hesitancy to serve in ministry has much to do with my lack of maturity in knowledge of the Word. Therefore there's this fear of not being the best representation of Him. I have a lot of growing up in Christ to do. But who doesn't? That'll always be the case. One of the characters depicted in "Young Lady of Diligence" is Doubting Doris. It reads "Faith is believing what God says about you. ...Part of ministry is learning so don't let yesterday's struggles prevent future successes. (1 John 4:4; 2 Tim. 1:9; 1 Tim 6:12) Doubting Doris is me. I hate to admit that because I'm also that person who will encourage people publicly & privately to not doubt themselves because they're a child of God and God loves His children and is all powerful and made us in His image, dada dada da, but in all honesty, although I know that to be true because the Bible says so and I believe in it's validity, I, too, still struggle with truly acting in that knowledge, which is manifested in self-doubt. Truth is, many times when I share nuggets of truth, I'm preaching to the choir--myself.

The scripture mentioned in Chapter 2 "He who refreshes others will himself be refreshed" (Proverbs 11:25b), although I've read it before, for the first time sounded like the basis of my personal mission, vision, creed. Refreshing others has always been what I've wanted to do whether it be by singing a song, cooking a meal, counseling someone, serving someone.... And in doing so I have felt refreshed. Giving others a sense of power as best I know how is the best gift that keeps on giving. A friend of mine once told me that “[my] energy” has always lifted [their] spirit, so much, it sometimes feels as if [they] could “float off the ground.” That's an honor. And I believe such a gift is one that will help me fulfill my potential. In what capacity? I don't know. But I'm sure whatever [I] do, [I should] work at it with all [my] heart, as working for the Lord, not for men" (Colossians 3:23). In that case, I'll need the belt of truth because I have a feeling the gift of words will be applied. Now all there's for me to do is train for such ministry by "rising early to develop the tongue of a disciple". Isaiah 50:4 reads, "The Sovereign Lord has given me an instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary. He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught." 

I'm not at all saying that I will start this training tomorrow. I'm still guilty of self-doubt in this capacity. It's quite sinful. (If you believe in the power of God & prayer, pray for me.) What I am saying is that more & more I am becoming more aware of who God wants me to be & I'm slowly, but surely becoming that woman. Stick around and watch me transition! Watch me make great strides (& stumbles) along the way. It's all part of the journey, the test, the testimony, the blessing.

FYI: When I ask people to pray for me I make sure to pray for myself. My prayer? That my words brings healing, be a tree of life. (Proverbs 15:4)
--- --- ---
Another book I LOVE is Releasing Your Potential (Myles Munroe). I'll have to share that book as I'm doing Waiting in the future. Releasing, I believe it will make a non-believer a believer in Christ & a believer a stronger believer of their God-given purposes. As well, as The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership (John C. Maxwell), which speaks greatly about being a positive influence on others' lives.

Monday, May 9, 2011


I know I "rant" quite a bit, but I think a lot & like to share my thoughts, reasoning. (Even when I haven't come to a conclusion of what it is, therefore seeking answers aloud or being transparent here on this blog.) Especially when I think it can be edifying--spark some self-evaluation--which is why my topic of choice is usually relationship based (in some shape or form).

Relationships are crucial and our interaction with others is a telling indication of our own personal health. I think my stance on this has much to do with my desire to be a marriage & family therapist. From the time of conception we are in relation to someone. That conception was a result of a relationship. Relationships have been of value since the beginning of time--God walking in the Garden with Adam, God creating Adam a companion, Eve.

...So yeah, I think relationships, relations, relating is just as much a "me, myself & I" concept as it is a "world-wide" concept as it is a "spiritual" concept. Complex & yet not so intricate in that we can't gain understanding and therefore can make changes that heal the experience of which we relate with self and others in love.

The Myth of the Stolen Man/Woman

"S/he stole my man/woman."

The thinking that a wo/man can steal your man/woman is ludicrous to me. Unless kidnapped or, maybe, blackmailed, no wo/man has that much power to make a man/woman leave you. Being that's usually not the case, it's fair to say your man/woman walked away. Without coercion.

Accept that truth & stop trying to blame a third party for the actions of "your man/woman". Your man/woman, although yours, can't be controlled, caged, tucked away safely like your other possessions. Like you, your man/woman have this power to make choices--to change their minds & therefore ... their hearts. [Ouch.] With that said, a man/woman can't be stolen, but they can choose to walk away. No matter the reason for doing so--another wo/man, and no matter the circumstances--s/he knew your man/woman had a lady/wife/man/husband--it was your man/woman's choice to leave you.

You'd think this would not have to be said, but with Mashonda's "woe-is-me-Alicia-Keys-stole my man" sob story being brought back to a dismal life on Vh1's "Love & Hip Hop" and the many statistics regarding relationships being "threatened" by social networks, I just felt a need to make this public service announcement of sorts. ...The way wo/men screen their partner's twitter Timelines, Facebook Recent Activity, Wall posts, Inbox, their cellphone history is quite ridiculous. Sad. And I hate to say it, but pitiful. As if them doing ANY of that stuff is going to keep their man/woman from walking away. All that energy is 1. a poor use of energy, 2. a sign of insecurity--either in yourself and/or your relationship; deal with it head on, not by playing Inspector Gadget or thinking you are powerful enough to manipulate "your" man/woman to stay, and 3. plain ol' foolish. Stop it! ...Your maturity is showing--it's quite little--and, more important, you're doing more harm to yourself (and probably the relationship you're trying so hard to hold onto) than not.

A little insecurity is natural from time-to-time (and, some would say, healthy), but the above actions and thinking is not healthy. Or rational. I mean, do we really believe that adult men & women are being stolen from us? Stolen? Ok, not him/her, but their heart, you say? ...My answer, a man/woman has to let their guard down, put themselves in a vulnerable position in order for their heart to be penetrated in a way of which your love could be replaced, no longer a desire to withhold and for another woman/man's to take shelter in their heart. Again, that's a choice. Your man/woman's choice.

Unfortunate, but true.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Waiting for Love ...I Already Have

So today I have begun reading The Young Lady in Waiting (Jackie Kendall & Debbie Jones) and surprisingly it restated my comments I shared on another blog post, ""What Your Father Forgot To Tell You": Vol 2. Age Aint Nothing But A Number". As I read the words of Waiting I thought "Wow. I have to share this with the other blog commenters!", but decided to take this to my own blog by the time I'd finished reading Chapter 1, "Young Lady of Reckless Abandonment", because it's here where I can expound a bit more comfortably.

The Young Lady in Waiting, a book my loving younger sister bought for me, caught my attention at a Christian bookstore because truth is "[I] have longed for love so much that [I] have given [myself] to some relationships that have been outside of God's boundaries" (Soul Ties: The Unseen Bond In Relationships (David Cross), another book I'm reading these days). And I am tired. A little lost in HOW to apply what I know about waiting for love (from a man). I know it. I'd pass the written test, but when it comes to applying my knowledge in the field... I have failed one too many times. Interestingly enough the whole "single" dilemma, I believe, is rooted in a lack of fulfillment, a lack of knowing one's worth. A lack of true love for self. This "cycle of the 'American way' that exalts a relationship with a man as the answer to life". And although I have never believed a man would be my answer to life, my sense of fulfillment, worth, love for self has been ... unstable. But, I digress a bit. I'm sure I'll share my story in more depth eventually. Today's not the day. Today's the day I share with you what was beneficial to me and hope can be beneficial to not only the ladies out there waiting, but men, too.

Excerpts from "The Missing Puzzle Piece" section of Chapter 1 (as written & styled in the book; excluding the format of listing the excerpts numerically):

1. Mr. Right is not enough to totally satisfy you by [himself]. God knows that you will never be complete until you really understand that you are complete in Jesus. Colossians 2:9-10 says, "For in Him all the fullness of Deity dwells in bodily form, and in Him you have been made complete, and He is the head over all rule and authority."

2. Incompleteness is not the result of being single, but of not being full of Jesus.

3. When two "incomplete" singles get married, their union will not make them complete. Their marriage will be simply two "incomplete" people trying to find completeness in one another. Only when they understand that their fullness is found in a relationship with Jesus will they ever begin to complement one another. You were not created to complete another, but to complement. Completion is Jesus' responsibility and complementing is a woman's privilege. A woman not complete in Jesus will be a drain on her husband. Such a woman will expect her husband to fill the gap that only Jesus can fill. Only the single woman who understands this means of being complete in Jesus is mature enough to be a helpmeet (complement).

"The Missing Puzzle Piece" includes a quote from Elisabeth Elliot's book Loneliness, "Marriage teaches us that even the most intimate human companionship cannot satisfy the deepest places of the heart. Our hearts are lonely 'til they rest in Him." It continues stating "Elisabeth Elliot has been married three times (twice widowed) and she knows from experience that marriage does not make one complete; only Jesus does." Sometimes it's best that we take the wisdom of those who have been there, done that and reap the benefits of their wisdom by using it as a guide. Ladies (and gentlemen) we will not, can not find completeness in a man (or woman). In knowing this, maybe, just maybe our idea of love and the nature of how we relate to people (a lot of times out of the order of God) will positively affect such abuses we inflict on others, but also ourselves in the name (or pursuance) of love--or, should I say, what we know love to be.

I hope the above excerpts were as a edifying to you as they were to me. Sometimes "truths" of life's circumstances, statistics found in scholarly articles regarding relationship/family dynamics, and images of "love" being imposed upon us in every aspect of pop culture coupled with our complexities, blinds us from the "life and prosperity" God has set before us. It's going to take us to live a life of "reckless abandonment". One of which we may need to reconsider the company we keep, the culture we embrace, and the truths (many of which I'm sure are false) we place our faith. Lord knows it ain't easy. I know because I've at times been recklessly bold in my pursuit of God but then grown too comfortable in my standing with Him--not feeling a need to pursue God daily (i.e. not "devoting as much time to Jesus as I would in a relationship with a boyfriend"--just to find myself bewildered by how I've recklessly lost focused, lost a hold of my spiritual & mental sustenance and therefore pursued my heart's desires--doing & becoming all that I never thought I could. All in the name of wanting to love & be loved--even when I knew full well that the conditions of the relationships couldn't foster such. Anywho, I've digressed a bit again, huh? *lol* The challenge is staying committed. And as singles what better way to practice commitment than to foster such relationship with God. It's great practice (fulfilling practice--the gift-that-keeps-on-giving kinda practice) that will be beneficial to our relationship with Mr. Right, if it's God's will, and, most important, with ourselves.

"Young Lady of Reckless Abandonment" mentions a quote of Gary Chapman that truly made me say, "A-MEN!" (No pun intended.) It's one of those quotes that I think every single should embrace. It reads, "I feel very strongly that marriage is not a higher calling than the single state. Happy indeed are those people, married or single, who have discovered that happiness is not found in marriage but in right relationship with God." Trust me, as a single who desires to one day be a wife, the idea of such manifestation not being the will of God is hard to accept. But Young Lady in Waiting really has opened my eyes a bit in stating the true sign of reckless abandonment to Jesus is "when the Lord gives you a difficult assignment, you receive His terms without resentment". So in our pursuance of God, we have to make sure that we aren't seeking Him in hopes that our doing so will result in the gift of Mr. Right (or anything else we may desire), but because "Without the way there is no going; without the truth there is no knowing; without the life there is no living,"as well stated by Thomas a Kempis (Imitation of Christ, iii, 56); for Jesus is "the way and the truth and the life" (John 14:6). [Probably doesn't mean much to some reading this post. Visit Blue Letter Bible and search "John 14" and "God is" for curiosity's sake.]

Again, I believe that such a desire to be fulfilled and the idea that such fulfillment comes from "a man" has much to do with our lack of fulfillment in ourselves, ladies. A lack of knowing ourselves. (We're more wonderful than we comprehend. [See Psalm 139.]) Young Ladies in Waiting mentions a quote that is said to be found on the back cover of the book Learning to Be a Woman. I will close this post with it.

"A woman is not born a woman. Nor does she become one when she marries a man, bears a child and does their dirty linen, not even when she joins a women's liberation movement. A woman becomes a woman when she becomes what God wants her to be."

God bless us all in our journey to find ourselves complete. In God.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Is Love Enough?!?!

What's life without love? "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." (1 Cor. 13:13) 

What I find, sadly, is that people want love in abundance but they don't want to practice love, ESPECIALLY patience. People "believe" in love and yet don't believe that it always perseveres or never fails (13:7-8), IF they put childish ways aside (13:11). Ways of one who's grown up from their childish ways are indicative of never giving up, never losing faith, always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance (13:7). Love is more selfless than it is selfish (or self-seeking; 13:4). And Lord knows love defies logical sense, hence the love act of God ("For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16) being difficult to comprehend. We can't even imagine such a sacrifice, hence questions like "Is love enough?" 

Is this question that deep? YES, because love is the gift that keeps on giving--it heals, it saves not only the one who chooses to receive it but the one who chooses to give it. [And if we have to question love (& all it's power for good; "Love does no harm to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law." Romans 13:10), I'd say a "deep" answer is in order.] It's a gift of much responsibility, but we all know that to whom much is given, much is required (Luke 12:48), right? We can either choose to give a good fight one good time (keep in mind a war consists of many battles, so there will always be a need to fight in the name of love (ask any couple who's been married more than 10 years)) & win the prize OR quit & settle for less than love (which we often find ourselves doing when we give too much of ourselves to non-deserving people (over & over again; back to the same one only with a different face); people who have no idea of our worth and therefore use us improperly (usually for their own selfish gain)) all the while wondering what the hell we're fighting for. At least when the question of love is not in question, you have security in knowing you're enduring the battle for a good reason.

If you're not sure love is in the equation, then NO, it's not enough to justify why you're going through whatever you may be going through. BUT if you're sure love is in the equation, YES, it's worth it. How much do you want your dream to come true? My point is this, if love's not worth it, what is? 

...The gift of love comes with a price. Everybody wants the gift, but no one wants to pay the price.

Love is enough.

"Many waters cannot quench love, Nor can the floods drown it. If a man would give for love All the wealth of his house, It would be utterly despised." Song of Songs 8:7

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Near His Heart To Be Beloved...

That the woman was made of a rib out of the side of Adam; not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved. (Matthew Henry, Commentary on the Whole Bible Volume I (Genesis to Deuteronomy))

Being that it's February, there is a lot of discussion (and humorous jokes) of love and Valentines. Well, it is my sincerest hope that all those that have a significant other can see themselves and their partner in the following writing; men, protectors and cherishers of women; women, supporters and cherishers of men, both complementing each other and yet one in a harmonious state of love. God bless all the lovers!

--- --- ---
“When I created the heavens and the earth, 
I spoke them into being. 
When I created man, I formed him from the dust of the Earth 
and breathed life into his nostrils. 
But you, woman, I fashioned. 
I breathed the breath of life into man 
because your nostrils are too delicate. 
I allowed a deep sleep to come over him 
so I could patiently and perfectly fashion you. 
Man was put to sleep so that he could not interfere with 
My creativity. 
From one bone I fashioned you. 
I chose the bone that protects man’s life. 
I chose the rib, which protects his heart and lungs 
and supports him, as you are meant to do.”

“Around this one bone I shaped you. I modeled you. 
I created you perfectly and beautifully. 
Your characteristics are as the rib, strong yet delicate and fragile. 
You provide protection for the most delicate organs in man, 
his heart [and lungs]. 
His heart is the center of his being; 
his lungs hold the breath of life. 
The rib cage will allow itself to be broken 
before it will allow damage to the heart [and lung]. 
Support man as the rib cage supports the body.”

“You were not taken from his feet, to be under him, 
nor were you taken from his head, to be above him. 
You were taken from his side, 
to stand beside him and be held close to his side. 
You are my perfect angel. You are my beautiful little girl. 
You have grown to be a splendid woman of excellence, 
and my eyes fill when I see the virtue in your heart. 
Your eyes: don’t change them; they are the windows to your soul
Your lips: how lovely when they part in prayer.
Your nose so perfect in form, your hands so gentle to touch. 
Oh yes, I've touched your hands.
I’ve caressed your face in your deepest sleep; 
I’ve held your heart close to Mine. 
Of all that lives and breathes, you are the most like Me.
That is why I made you the mother of life. 
You see, woman, you reside in Me.

“Adam walked with Me in the cool of the day 
and yet he was lonely. 
He could not see Me or touch Me. 
He could only feel Me. 
So everything I wanted Adam to share and experience with Me, 
I fashioned in you: My holiness, My strength, 
My purity, My love, My protection and support. 
You are special because you are the extension of Me.”

“Man represents My image; woman – My emotions.
Together, you represent the totality of God. 
So man, treat woman well. Love her, respect her, for she is fragile. 
In hurting her, you hurt Me. 
What you do to her, you do to Me. 
In crushing her, you only damage your own heart [and lungs], 
the heart of your Father and the heart of her Father. 
Woman, support man. 
In humility, show him the power of emotion I have given you. 
In gentle quietness show your strength. 
In love, show him that you are the rib that protects his inner self.”

 – Author Unknown

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Not Quite A Haiku (aka #Subtweet)

So close and yet so far away
I wish the memory of you
would just go away.

And then I don't 'cause...
I wouldn't know some of the
memorable joys you gave.

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