This Is A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: Year of Manifestation

This year I am requiring more of myself. Lord knows my effort to have the mind of Christ sometimes falls short, especially being in an environment that does not please me. One of which I believed would liberate me, but has instead made me feel trapped. Don't pity me. All of this is part of God's plan for me. ...This is my year! My prayers and heart's desires will manifest. I look around and my carnal mind thinks, "How?!" but I trust the God that has told me that "I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11). ...That promise has sustained me and I must not doubt its validity in MY life. No more will I ask God, "Why not me? When is it my turn?" It wasn't me then because it's my turn NOW. ...I don't know the details. I just have the vision. ...This is my year. If I am not diligent in keeping my focus and increasing my faith, I may very well abort the mission - God's mission for my life, His glory! This year is imperative for years to come. I know it!

...So, in continuation of requirements, I am requiring more of those who are in my life (or wish to be). If you are not benefiting me, you are hindering me. I will only entertain relationships that edify & fortify me, and glorify God. Period. Once upon a time, I would compromise in the name of love, but if it's not good, it's evil. That's where I stand today. ...Trust me, I'm not the "fire and brimstone" kind of believer. (I pray I haven't come off that way.) I'm just expressing the URGENCY, the IMPORTANCE, and the MAGNITUDE of this year. ...I will lose some, but I will gain much more. It's necessary. I will one day build a legacy. (Heavy, right?! I know. Blows my mind, too. Even sounds preposterous. But that I said I know will manifest without a doubt, if I don't lose focus and faith. [I DIGRESS: Now, men, you may understand why I require more of you. I need someone with a "legacy" mindset. Someone who, too, want to build a firm foundation in God and of things of this world for their great-grandchildren's great-grandchildren. I can't set them up for failure due to my own selfishness (i.e. he's cute, he drives a nice car, he's funny, got a great job, has a clean house, knows "conversate" is not a word... but can he pray for me? Empower me? Consider me? Can I trust that he won't lead me (and the vision) astray?! [Yes, I said, "lead".]) Marriage isn't simply about me. It's about them (my offspring-to-be), too. ...I used to feel cursed because I've been getting the "You look mad" or "You're intimidating" comments from males (most times by a third party) since high school, but now I am more than sure that it is a blessing. Don't get me wrong, I would rather come across warm and approachable. However, with the "Utopian" heart I have I can imagine, if I came off warm and approachable, I would probably have more heartache. So my demeanor is like a filter. ...I trust that "the one" (who is to co-produce this legacy with God and me) will have discernment to see me clearly (know that I'm not mad, cold, angry, mean and/or whatever else the common man may think of me) and approach me with a purpose - edify, fortify, glorify. So... I'll wait.)] I can't afford to be counterfeit. How does that bring glory to God? It doesn't. So I can't let no thing or one (even myself) get in the way of pleasing God (or in the way of His plans for me; blessings).

This is the year of NO COMPROMISE. ...Will I fall short? Yes! That's believer 101. But God will know my name and know that I run with definite aim - FORWARD.

(Originally written 08JAN13)

I Am... Whatever He Says I Am

All great truths begin as blasphemies.

(George Bernard Shaw, Annajanska, 1919)

I am

WORTHY

(Period)

I am so glad that ignorance of the truth does not change the truth.

I am so glad that every day I have a chance to be made new.

I am so glad that I am officially tired...

because this condition is motivation to change my position

and that change is made with a change of mind.

I am convinced.

I am

WORTHY

no matter what you or anyone else thinks

OR whether I "forget" and act accordingly.

I am 

WORTHY.

Sounds blasphemous.

I know.

(Especially with my imperfections.)

But it is the truth.

For I am fearfully & wonderfully made; made in His image, after His likeness.

I am 

WORTHY.

For the greatest man, Jesus, who ever walked this earth died for me... with full awareness of my flaws.

(What a price to pay?! Usually no one pays (especially not with one's own life) for something that is useless or worthless. But bottom line is this: He is the one & only authority on my worth. And HE said, I am to die for.)

...I know, such a sacrificial love sounds blasphemous. I know.

But again,

ignorance of the truth doesn't change the truth.

I am

WORTHY.

I am convinced.

...

Oh, & just in case you were wondering,

You are

WORTHY

too.

The truth, of course, is that a billion falsehoods told a billion times by a billion people are still false.

(Travis Walton)

The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is.

(Winston Churchill)

[Psalm 139:14, Genesis 1:26, 1 John 4:10, Romans 5:8, Psalm 139:16]

Here today. Gone tomorrow.

In a time when it's common practice to "Unfollow", "Remove", "Ignore", "Delete", "Block" people as easily as it is to "Follow" or "Add" them, I'd like to encourage you to be grateful for those that love you, therefore keep you even when they know your worst & when you're at your worst (& definitely can't give them anything--other than your imperfect self).

...I've been told (actions speak, too) that I'm not worthy, that I'm not of value, that I'm not meaningful, that I'm not significant, that I'm not special... that I'm not loved, let alone liked. I am guilty of being convinced that I am "not"--I mean, I must not be since someone who could know me since conception can dispose of me, be as inconsiderate of my feelings, be as emotionally cold towards me as someone who has known me all of 2 months. Sad thing is, most of these people will never know how influential their actions (or lack thereof) were because hey, they're here today, gone tomorrow.

I want to thank God for a love that is forgiving, a love that is truly unconditional, for a love that seems to get better with time. A love that brings me to tears because it just keeps surprising me. Pleasantly! A love that is abundant, even when not appreciated (or truly comprehended). And for family & friends who know of such a love & therefore know how to love me in that likeness. My list of such people who give me such a love is not lengthy (and may never be), yet it's sufficient. I'm blessed to have them. And I am expectant of the list growing!

I pray that when we feel unloved, when it seems we're invisible that we remember such a love, for God loves us, sees us. He feels our every ache & yearning, He knows our desires, thoughts, strengths, weaknesses. There is no place more comforting, more safe; He's a [my] refuge. His love is better than fill in the blank.

Is Love Enough?!?!

What's life without love? "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." (1 Cor. 13:13) 


What I find, sadly, is that people want love in abundance but they don't want to practice love, ESPECIALLY patience. People "believe" in love and yet don't believe that it always perseveres or never fails (13:7-8), IF they put childish ways aside (13:11). Ways of one who's grown up from their childish ways are indicative of never giving up, never losing faith, always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance (13:7). Love is more selfless than it is selfish (or self-seeking; 13:4). And Lord knows love defies logical sense, hence the love act of God ("For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16) being difficult to comprehend. We can't even imagine such a sacrifice, hence questions like "Is love enough?" 


Is this question that deep? YES, because love is the gift that keeps on giving--it heals, it saves not only the one who chooses to receive it but the one who chooses to give it. [And if we have to question love (& all it's power for good; "Love does no harm to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law." Romans 13:10), I'd say a "deep" answer is in order.] It's a gift of much responsibility, but we all know that to whom much is given, much is required (Luke 12:48), right? We can either choose to give a good fight one good time (keep in mind a war consists of many battles, so there will always be a need to fight in the name of love (ask any couple who's been married more than 10 years)) & win the prize OR quit & settle for less than love (which we often find ourselves doing when we give too much of ourselves to non-deserving people (over & over again; back to the same one only with a different face); people who have no idea of our worth and therefore use us improperly (usually for their own selfish gain)) all the while wondering what the hell we're fighting for. At least when the question of love is not in question, you have security in knowing you're enduring the battle for a good reason.


If you're not sure love is in the equation, then NO, it's not enough to justify why you're going through whatever you may be going through. BUT if you're sure love is in the equation, YES, it's worth it. How much do you want your dream to come true? My point is this, if love's not worth it, what is? 


...The gift of love comes with a price. Everybody wants the gift, but no one wants to pay the price.

Love is enough.


"Many waters cannot quench love, Nor can the floods drown it. If a man would give for love All the wealth of his house, It would be utterly despised." Song of Songs 8:7

Near His Heart To Be Beloved...

That the woman was made of a rib out of the side of Adam; not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved. (Matthew Henry, Commentary on the Whole Bible Volume I (Genesis to Deuteronomy))


Being that it's February, there is a lot of discussion (and humorous jokes) of love and Valentines. Well, it is my sincerest hope that all those that have a significant other can see themselves and their partner in the following writing; men, protectors and cherishers of women; women, supporters and cherishers of men, both complementing each other and yet one in a harmonious state of love. God bless all the lovers!

--- --- ---

“When I created the heavens and the earth, 

I spoke them into being. 

When I created man, I formed him from the dust of the Earth 

and breathed life into his nostrils. 

But you, woman, I fashioned. 

I breathed the breath of life into man 

because your nostrils are too delicate. 

I allowed a deep sleep to come over him 

so I could patiently and perfectly fashion you. 

Man was put to sleep so that he could not interfere with 

My creativity. 

From one bone I fashioned you. 

I chose the bone that protects man’s life. 

I chose the rib, which protects his heart and lungs 

and supports him, as you are meant to do.”

“Around this one bone I shaped you. I modeled you. 

I created you perfectly and beautifully. 

Your characteristics are as the rib, strong yet delicate and fragile. 

You provide protection for the most delicate organs in man, 

his heart [and lungs]. 

His heart is the center of his being; 

his lungs hold the breath of life. 

The rib cage will allow itself to be broken 

before it will allow damage to the heart [and lung]. 

Support man as the rib cage supports the body.”

“You were not taken from his feet, to be under him, 

nor were you taken from his head, to be above him. 

You were taken from his side, 

to stand beside him and be held close to his side. 

You are my perfect angel. You are my beautiful little girl. 

You have grown to be a splendid woman of excellence, 

and my eyes fill when I see the virtue in your heart. 

Your eyes: don’t change them; they are the windows to your soul. 

Your lips: how lovely when they part in prayer.

Your nose so perfect in form, your hands so gentle to touch. 

Oh yes, I've touched your hands.

I’ve caressed your face in your deepest sleep; 

I’ve held your heart close to Mine. 

Of all that lives and breathes, you are the most like Me.

That is why I made you the mother of life. 

You see, woman, you reside in Me.”

“Adam walked with Me in the cool of the day 

and yet he was lonely. 

He could not see Me or touch Me. 

He could only feel Me. 

So everything I wanted Adam to share and experience with Me, 

I fashioned in you: My holiness, My strength, 

My purity, My love, My protection and support. 

You are special because you are the extension of Me.”

“Man represents My image; woman – My emotions.

Together, you represent the totality of God. 

So man, treat woman well. Love her, respect her, for she is fragile. 

In hurting her, you hurt Me. 

What you do to her, you do to Me. 

In crushing her, you only damage your own heart [and lungs], 

the heart of your Father and the heart of her Father. 

Woman, support man. 

In humility, show him the power of emotion I have given you. 

In gentle quietness show your strength. 

In love, show him that you are the rib that protects his inner self.”

 – Author Unknown

Shame on Me

At times when things don't go as I wish,

I get to a place where I can't pray,

I can't praise,

I can't worship.

Shame on me.

Love Is In the Air

Love is in the air.  And it's not blowing my way.


Sometimes I feel guilty because I have friends and loved ones who love me... and yet I want more.  Is it wrong that I want love... and romance?  Is it a crime that I want someone and I want them to want me too?  *smile*  Of course not.  But, as a single, I sometimes find myself wrestling with satisfaction and dissatisfaction, with patience & acceptance vs. impatience & downright pity for myself.


I promise.  I am happy for those who are cultivating new relationships, getting engaged, and getting married.  I am.  I love to see people united as one.  Two people who chose each other.  I do.  Yet I have to be honest, there are times that I find my happiness for someone else turn to sadness for myself.  My smile of joy for them turn into tears of pain for myself.  It's not jealousy.  I am happy for them.  I mean it.  I'm just sad for me.  Sad for the part of me that desires such a bond.  ...As a single, I have many days when I embrace my singleness; the idea of just being unattached to anyone and hence granted the freedom to consider no one else when I decide to travel and explore and experience this world just brings about such excitement!  But then there are many days when I care not about exploring the world and wish I could have someone with whom I can shut the world out and just be with.  Just us.  Only us.  And I'm not talking just anyone, but someone special.  Someone who's presence alone would suffice, if there were no T.V., no food, no A/C or heat, no comfy sofa to cuddle on.  Just us.  Just him because I can look in his eyes and upon his face for hours, and his words are of substance, and no matter the weather it's ok with him, and he's soft and yet firm enough to bring me comfort.  Someone who finds his comfort in me, too.


But the reality is ...love is in the air and it's not blowing my way.  Admittedly, the realization of that brought me to tears, but after my pity party and (thank God) my tendency to reflect upon myself, I came to the realization that the wind's not blowing my way because it's not my season.  Everything has timing and romantic love is not scheduled to arrive yet.  See, the truth is I'm not ready for love.  Not because I am afraid to love, unwilling or unable to love, but because I am not ready to love.  It's a truth that I really hate to admit, especially publicly because some interesting/ed man may be reading this entry, but I can not lie.  I'm not ready.


I was sharing with a friend, who is convinced that I have men just beating my door down to get to know me-- *tsk* I don't, that I have come to the conclusion that embarking on a serious relationship would probably be a disservice to whomever involved.  Again, not because I'm unlovable or incapable of loving, but because I would like to offer more.  You know, those little things that aren't so little that distinguishes a woman from a girl.  I want to bring those things to the table.  There's much growing up I need to do and molding that need to take place.  In so many ways, I feel like a girl.  I've been legally able to drink for two years and I am two years shy of being a quarter of a century old (How old am I?  *smile*) ...and I still feel like a girl.  I'm in need of a lot of exploring and experiencing--within and outside myself.  And, yes, of course I can do those things with a man, but I'm not sure if I am ready for that.


See, I'm not sure if I am rooted in God enough to do that yet.  I can't say with confidence that, if he is an AWEsome man, that I won't in some way make him into a god--attributing him to all my discoveries and therefore equating him to be an intricate factor of all my God-given blessings.  (I'm just being honest.)  I know in my past that when I was in admiration of a man (I may be using "man" too loosely) that, although I know there is a God and I thank God for this (hu)man's presence, I grew to depend on him dangerously, in that he tended to govern my sense of joy and peace.  I would like to think that I have grown from those childish ways, but I've yet to have the opportunity to find out, and I don't think I want to find out by possibly making some great man my guinea pig by discovering such weaknesses while involved with him.  (I fear (although unintentionally) hurting someone.)  Nah.  I refuse.  I can't do that.  So with that being said, I am just about sure that I'm not ready.


And so the questions are "What do I do in the meantime?" and "How do I obtain true peace with my singleness when I have this natural yearning to have intimacy and create all the things that could result from such a relationship?"  ...Well, I need to take this time to grow and be molded into the woman that the man I would deem a potential Mr. Right would deem a potential Mrs. Right.  "Mrs. Right" because I know full well that dating someone just to have fun and pass the time is not appealing to me.  Dating someone because we can see each other to be "Right" for us is the idea I have in mind.  ...And when I honestly embrace that reality I can't help but laugh at myself for being frustrated that no one has chosen to date me (I don't mean take me on a date, for there is a difference between going on a date and dating someone).  For when I ask myself, "Am I ready to be a wife?", the answer is "No".  [Not unless a man wants a woman, who in many ways feel like a girl because she has yet to come into her own--get a sense of self.  Furthermore, she very well may fail to bring peace and pleasure after the Honeymoon phase because, even in her singleness, she fails to faithfully cultivate an intimate and organic relationship with the only ONE that loves her unconditionally, the ONE that is always faithful to her.  (It's fair to say, if I'm not faithful to Him, I will not be faithful to him.  (Unfaithfulness doesn't have to mean sexual immorality, but unfaithfulness in that duties/responsibilities as a wife (and husband) are not being met holistically.))]  I mean, I cry myself a river, but I have to check myself!  I look forward to treating a man, comforting a man, getting to know a man ...and I've yet to do those things for/with myself--not the way I'd like to.  I've yet to treat myself to something really nice.  I've yet to provide myself with my ideal comfort.  I've yet to get to know myself--all that I am and am not and can be.  I haven't--mostly due to not being in season to do so.  So, when I accept that reality, it becomes so logically sound (and therefore I gain peace in knowing) that it is not the season for the warm and yet cool breeze of love to blow my way because I am not ready to love.  Again, I can, but I do believe that I would be cheating him because I'm still working towards my full potential.  I've just gotten started!--and I think to get involved with a man who could very well get accustomed to and find comfort in the things about me that I care not to sustain would be a tragedy.  Plus, I think any man would appreciate a woman who's got her own--whether it's her own self-made money or her own self-made confidence.


Surely, things of this matter are not very black and white.  There is room for a gray scale because the truth is we will always be working towards our potential, we may always be an incomplete puzzle, there is always room to grow and develop.  Indeed, in many ways I am very much a woman and have much to positively contribute to a relationship, and only God knows for what I am ready.  With that said, though, the one commonality that is shared among all the couples (that show signs of good health) is a sense of balance--a sense of individuality, a sense of maturity--that fosters a sound foundation of friendship and security.  And, when I am actually transparent with myself, I find that I still need to gain a sense of identity and independence, well-roundedness and grown woman-ness ...a sense of regal queenliness that exudes from the inside-out, which results from self-discovery, self-awareness, and self-assurance.  Self.  No one else.  So, in all honesty, if any man were to believe that I am his potential Mrs. Right, he would have to know into what season I am growing and be prepared to join me for the journey--even the risks.  We would have to practice much honesty, transparency, respect and communication regarding what is taking place between us collectively and within us individually.  For I don't need a savior to supply a deficiency, but a man to be an addition to my own greatness.  ...And I can't ask him to add to anything that I have yet to discover myself.


For those who are reading this and can identify, I think it's fair to say that, even if we have a desire for something, it does not mean that the season of which that desire should manifest is now.  Also, I'm not saying that I will no longer have the days that I don't mind being single, but find myself wondering "Why haven't one man found me worthy enough to pursue, let alone interesting enough to call me or say 'hi' from time to time?". ('Cause, in honesty, most days it's not singleness that bothers me, but the appearance that no man has deemed me 'enough' that bothers me the most--'enough' for them, 'enough' to invest in.  ...They window shop.  *smile*)  But I hope that in knowing that this is a season and knowing that no man owes me anything, not even his love, and that some people aren't meant to see me for good reason, will bring me comfort on those days.


I'm a romantic, always have been--I'm not so much the "I've already planned my wedding" kinda romantic but the "I look forward to express my love for him" romantic--, so I am sure to have many daydreams of possibilities to come from time-to-time.  I still look forward to that season of which I will be Mrs. Right for Mr. Right and we envelop ourselves in an unique love shared between two people that begets freedom-- freedom to be ourselves, express ourselves, and give of ourselves without shame, fear, or inhibition--and bound by God.


In continuation of answering the first question posed above, in the meantime, I will live my life--seeking the world around me and God near me--and therefore seeking myself, for I will be taking time to explore, discover, and become myself, so that such an environment for love can cultivate.


I believe ...love is sure to blow my way... when I'm ready--to respect it's purpose, an addition not a completion of myself.

A Joy, A Peace Like Never Before...

Tonight I sit at my computer contemplating "What should I say?  What should I say that will give those who may visit this blog an understanding of who I am TODAY?"   ...Really, there's much that can't be said, you would have to witness it for yourself.  BUT I will say this, I have a joy, a peace like never before.  I am smiling from ear-to-ear for no real reason at all, other than the fact that I am happy and I have trust in God.  He's brought me from confusion to clarity, from pain to relief.  I could cry, but I'm too joyous to do it!  *SMILE*

I look at my journal before me and words like "broken-hearted", "rejection", "unworthiness", and "confusion" are found in the first entry of 2009.  Last year, 2009, although I was guilty of being stressed by finances (not knowing how to cover the basics--rent, tuition) and academics (just got tired, better known as Senioritis  *smile*), my biggest crime was self-doubt.  That was something that I RARELY fell victim to.  Of course, I've been insecure about somewhat superficial things, like my appearance or abilities, but I never doubted my essence, my worth, my innate beauty that can not be captured by a camera.  This reality led to shame for many months because I'm strong-spirited--there's not much that anyone (trust me, even my friends have tried; they meant well *smile*) can convince me to believe or consider if it doesn't sit well with my spirit.  Well, when that same spirit is broken, it leads one to thinking that is not in accordance with that spirit's essence.  I found this out in the Spring.

For the first time in my life, I felt numb.  Being convinced that I was invisible did that to me.  Believing that I wasn't someone to be proud of did that to me.  Just numb.  I smiled and no one noticed that I was hurting.  (Now I feel like crying. That's a horrible way to feel.)  I felt like I played by the rules and yet, I continued to come up short.  I was convinced I wasn't good enough.

The best advice I received in 2009, ironically so, were "Take it one day at a time" and "Move forward".

In taking it one day at a time, I was challenged to trust God.  To believe that all will be as planned.  That my confusion will one day lead to a day of clarity.  I also became aware of weakness.  How much easier it is to succumb to it than I'd ever realized before.  I always thought that overcoming life's matters were a matter of mind over matter.  I found with my own experience that even the strongest minds can fall victim to being weakened.  Insecurity, defined as lack of confidence or assurance, resulted in me compromising my personal beliefs, standards.  It's crazy!  And very sad.  It's a disease that in some shape or form affects us all.

I now know better.  Period.  Moving forward is so easy to do when you gain a sense of self.  I now know for a fact that I am worthy, that I have value.  I'm stronger, more confident, more connected to God and I pity the fool who tries to convince me that I'm not a beautiful creation of value or tries to break me down.  *smile*  They will have a feat before them because I'm not going anywhere but forward and upward.  All that has occurred in 2009 were blessings that has changed my life forever because they have impacted the outlook I now have for 2010.

I thank God for the lessons learned.  I thank God for His mercy.  I thank God that my heart has not been hardened, in fact, I would say it's more open because I learned a valuable lesson--that with love there are no regrets.  That's why I will continue to do things out of a spirit of love.  Of course, there will be some, maybe many, who won't appreciate it or will be skeptical of it, but I won't allow those reactions to make me numb and cold because I will be doing myself a disservice.  I deserve to love others and to be loved.  I'm purposed to contribute love to this world. (psst... So are you.  *smile*)

I thank God for my friends, my family, and those that contributed to my pain and confusion.  I STILL love them.  I wish they knew just how genuine I am when I say that.  Love has never failed me.  God's love for me has kept me here--still standing.  My innate love for myself (that we all deep down inside have for ourselves) has been the source of me not deteriorating within my pain and insecurity.  I kept fighting for myself, the REAL me.  Love is powerful, it's real and that love has allowed me to obtain a patience for those that I love like no one I can think of.  It's because of my acknowledgment that there were many times that God was patient with me, that I feel that there is NO reason why I cannot practice patience (and forgiveness) towards others.  Now whether they decide to stay in my life is up to them, a decision which I will respect and accept out of love for them. Experience has taught me, though, that those that decide to come back or stay appreciate the fact that I didn't give up on them.  ...I love me more than before!  I LIKE me.  *SMILE*

I want to encourage you to LOVE.  Love doesn't fail you, it's people that fail you.  So don't ever stop embracing and sharing love.  Also, patience is DEFINITELY a virtue.  With patience comes definite answers.  All you need is time and, during that time, to stay true to self and obedient to righteousness and before long a clarity of truth will be visible, shining bright before you.  The challenge is to accept the truth.  We mess up trying to convince ourselves that the truth is not the truth.  No, it's the truth!  Now, move forward.

God is so AWEsome!  Love is so AWEsome!  And because of it, I am fearless.  I'm no longer afraid of things I was once afraid of because TODAY I know that I can endure anything.  I was built to endure E-VER-Y-THING my life presents to me.  I know that I'm resilient.  I trust God enough to know that He would never leave me astray.  I know that I'm victorious before the battle begins--all I have to do is withstand it!  It's temporary, just one more thing to mold me into who I am purposed to be (if I allow it).

I feel so free, so light.  I have no expectations and yet, I trust that I will gain more than my heart's desires when I'm qualified to receive such blessings.  I know this sounds real fluffy, but it's so grounded.  It's so real.  I am literally in a place in my life where I believe that I can honestly face a disappointment and not ask God, "Why?  ...Why not?" because I trust that today's storms begets tomorrow's rainbows, that my suffering begets strength of character.  How can I complain when such a blessing is guaranteed to be bestowed upon me?

I don't know.  Like I said, it's something you'd have to witness.  It's difficult to explain.  I do know this:  I have a joy, a peace like never before!  ...I can't wait to see what trial I'll endure this year and how it will contribute to my growth.  I'm already excited for 2011!  *smile* 

"I've cried, I've sighed, and now I'm smiling because I can now say that I'm moving forward."

Happy 2010 ~  Happy Life,

          Miss Royal

[01.21.2010--I think I've just found the song  that reflects this blog's: Mary Mary's "Forgiven Me" (not posted here because it's not on their official website).]