Force Fields & Potholes

The one who holds your attention is often the one whom can't be held onto.

I seemingly have this force field that keeps men from getting too close or seeing me ...clearly.
No, no. Not because I activate this barrier but because apparently I'm resistible.

Has a man ever called me "resistible"? No, but they usually start the race of "Pursuit" and then before finishing the first leg, they run off the track without any explanation as to why.

That's the "Story of My Life," as it's said. But in all sincerity, I do believe this is just a part of my journey. One of which I may never get used to but one of which I'll understand is...part of my journey. Just like your route to work. You may know that a particular intersection or part of an interstate is bound to have traffic, or has that terrible pothole. You don't get used to it - it still annoys you - but it's just something to expect on your way.

One thing about a journey is the undeniable truth that there is a destination. And I believe that my destination are my dreams, my heart's desires. God knows what they are, and... He never has us go through anything without a reward for our perseverance and patience in faith. Now, will the reward ever be the honor of being a "Mrs."? Only God knows, but I have faith that vision will manifest and be a small part in the "Story of My Life".

Good Girl Refusing To Go Bad

One day a man will assess my cut, clarity, color, weight, and certify me GOOD.

And pleasing.

And worthy.

Faith in that keeps me from going 'bad'.

I refuse to tarnish because a man didn't know my value and treated me accordingly.

To tarnish allows him to steal my future and hope, for I can't lean on the hope that a good man will be able to see that I am good. But tarnished.

Even he may pass me by, if I go 'bad'.

This Is A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: Year of Manifestation

This year I am requiring more of myself. Lord knows my effort to have the mind of Christ sometimes falls short, especially being in an environment that does not please me. One of which I believed would liberate me, but has instead made me feel trapped. Don't pity me. All of this is part of God's plan for me. ...This is my year! My prayers and heart's desires will manifest. I look around and my carnal mind thinks, "How?!" but I trust the God that has told me that "I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11). ...That promise has sustained me and I must not doubt its validity in MY life. No more will I ask God, "Why not me? When is it my turn?" It wasn't me then because it's my turn NOW. ...I don't know the details. I just have the vision. ...This is my year. If I am not diligent in keeping my focus and increasing my faith, I may very well abort the mission - God's mission for my life, His glory! This year is imperative for years to come. I know it!

...So, in continuation of requirements, I am requiring more of those who are in my life (or wish to be). If you are not benefiting me, you are hindering me. I will only entertain relationships that edify & fortify me, and glorify God. Period. Once upon a time, I would compromise in the name of love, but if it's not good, it's evil. That's where I stand today. ...Trust me, I'm not the "fire and brimstone" kind of believer. (I pray I haven't come off that way.) I'm just expressing the URGENCY, the IMPORTANCE, and the MAGNITUDE of this year. ...I will lose some, but I will gain much more. It's necessary. I will one day build a legacy. (Heavy, right?! I know. Blows my mind, too. Even sounds preposterous. But that I said I know will manifest without a doubt, if I don't lose focus and faith. [I DIGRESS: Now, men, you may understand why I require more of you. I need someone with a "legacy" mindset. Someone who, too, want to build a firm foundation in God and of things of this world for their great-grandchildren's great-grandchildren. I can't set them up for failure due to my own selfishness (i.e. he's cute, he drives a nice car, he's funny, got a great job, has a clean house, knows "conversate" is not a word... but can he pray for me? Empower me? Consider me? Can I trust that he won't lead me (and the vision) astray?! [Yes, I said, "lead".]) Marriage isn't simply about me. It's about them (my offspring-to-be), too. ...I used to feel cursed because I've been getting the "You look mad" or "You're intimidating" comments from males (most times by a third party) since high school, but now I am more than sure that it is a blessing. Don't get me wrong, I would rather come across warm and approachable. However, with the "Utopian" heart I have I can imagine, if I came off warm and approachable, I would probably have more heartache. So my demeanor is like a filter. ...I trust that "the one" (who is to co-produce this legacy with God and me) will have discernment to see me clearly (know that I'm not mad, cold, angry, mean and/or whatever else the common man may think of me) and approach me with a purpose - edify, fortify, glorify. So... I'll wait.)] I can't afford to be counterfeit. How does that bring glory to God? It doesn't. So I can't let no thing or one (even myself) get in the way of pleasing God (or in the way of His plans for me; blessings).

This is the year of NO COMPROMISE. ...Will I fall short? Yes! That's believer 101. But God will know my name and know that I run with definite aim - FORWARD.

(Originally written 08JAN13)

Risk Of Faith

On This Day In 2010: "Sa'Toya Truss is taking a risk of faith ...and such an act may appear crazy to others. | "A risk of faith takes you toward your Dream, even if it doesn't feel comfortable to you." (Bruce Wilkinson)" 

Things are coming FULL circle. *SMILE*

Found the following two videos from a blog, It's The Rat Pack. It ministered to me. Hopefully it can minister to you.

Note: Don't get so caught up in the product that is being advertised that you miss the message.

Risks of faith takes heart. A heart that is filled with faith and fear. Fear of being anything less than one is purposed to be. Fear of  allowing one's fear overcede one's faith. For "YOU are stronger than doubt" (@Carolyn_Malachi).

In Bloom

Bold. Fearless. Faithful. No other way to be.

...Can no longer be consumed with doubt. Can no longer be concerned with rejection or misunderstanding. Cannot allow my mistakes and flaws to hinder me ('cause I'm gonna make 'em & I definitely have 'em). I know I say it a lot, but I must 'allow my condition to change my position'; use my mess as fertilizer and not poison. Trust the God I say I trust. Love regardless of its (seemingly) lack of return. And KNOW that as long as I have breath in my body I have purpose & GREAT potential. Flowers don't bloom overnight, but if you wish to witness transformation, keep watch ...& expect me to bloom! I am all that I am to be & all that I could never imagine myself to be. Thank you God in advance! #SomethingLikeAPhenomenon ...Yeah, I'm feelin' myself.

What Love Is

On this Saturday of which Irene is to make her presence known, I have enjoyed a day of sleeping in late, writing & watching movies. One of which, "What Love Is". My sister found it on Starz, and, although we were kinda skeptical of how good a comedy with Cuba Gooding, Jr. could be, we stayed on the channel. She laughed out loud, I half-way watched as I wrote my thoughts via Microsoft Word. After all the sexual references & profanity, the movie finally came to a point of which it was all worth it. The quote can be found below:


"...Love is a one way street, going from you out. And you give it because it makes you feel good to give it. Because when you give it, it makes you strong. And that crazy, vulnerable, out of control scary feeling, feeling that most people think is love? It's not really love at all; it's just the need to be loved. And believe me, its a really different thing. Real love isn't "I love you" hoping the other person is going to say it too. It's just, I love you. Its like giving someone a gift at Christmas, and if you get anything back, that's a bonus, that's extra. But you shouldn't NEED to receive it, cause the true strength is in the giving of it. But then again, that's just what I think. And what do I know? I don't know anything."


Yeah, I may not knowing anything either, but I totally agree.

My Name's Not "Complex"

I have this tendency of calling myself "complex". In reality, we are all complex. But what I have found is that I identify myself as such not in the sense of being a compound of emotions, dreams, thoughts, and behavior, but in the negative connotation of being "complicated", "hard to understand".

Yesterday while visiting a church the sermon spoke of Bartimaeus of the Book of Mark whose patronymic name meant Bar (Son of) + Timaeus (To be unclean). In essence, son of unclean (man). The pastor further spoke of the Mental Complex-Conscience Mind and how it houses our belief & value system & is the heart of the decision making process. Our decisions are either validated or rejected. What Bartimaeus was told, called became part of his belief system.

Last night my loving sister was moved to express to me that she doesn't like very much that I had called myself "complex" (quite a bit) when describing myself to some friends. I told her why I call myself "complex" & for the first time I vocalized & became aware of how my tendency to be disliked or treated coolly by people who barely know me, if at all, or my tendency to feel misunderstood has conditioned me to believe that I am "complex".

I don't want to claim that anymore. I don't want to designate myself with fault because people have obvious disdain for me--even when I know I haven't done anything (or, at least, have the heart to) disrespect, alienate, or harbor a spirit of dislike, coldness, or arrogance to people I've just met or do not know. ...Yesterday I observed some display of distaste for me--even at 7-Eleven! I just walked into the store & asked the cashier to put $40 on Pump 2. ...Don't know why two young ladies felt moved to give me the eye--but have decided that I can't consume myself with "Why doesn't she like me?, Why she actin' funny? What did I do? Why didn't she speak to me? How did I offend her? Why did she seem unpleased with me?, Why was she giving me 'the side eye'?"

...Those are problems that they have. Not me. Period. (A big fat period.) I know who I am. More important, I know that God loves me, sees me. I like the idea of people liking me. I like the idea of people seeing me clearly, seeing my heart therefore understanding me. But the truth is not everyone is going to because they, too, have a Mental Complex-Mind Conscience and the way I walk, the way I talk may very well position them to reject me.

I'm just grateful for those that approve of me and didn't miss their blessing in getting to know me--by judging me by sight.

Much peace.

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I'm sure some will read this blog post & their negative stance of me will be validated by such statements as "miss their blessing in getting to know me". ...I know that when I say that, I don't say that from a place of haughtiness. Again, those who know me, know better than that. And those who doubt my humility just weren't meant to see me, I suppose. #UnfortunateReality

What do you have that God hasn't given you? And if everything you have is from God, why boast as though it were not a gift? (1 Corinthians 4:7; NLT)


Here I go. ...I still feel a need to validate myself. I'm still concerned with how I'm interpreted.*smh* I'm stopping now 'cause I have nor need to do so. I'm so tired of trying to make people, who don't even know me, understand me or like me. No one whom I don't know & therefore is insignificant to my life is worthy of all that effort. "I'm not better than other people. No. I'm just different." (K.S.B.) And people can either approve or reject that. I care not to beat myself up about their rejection of me. 


Shoot, my cube is well proportioned to the desert. *smile*

A Tree of Life

So I just finished reading chapter 2, "Young Lady of Diligence" of The Young Woman in Waiting. I don't know if this book is just that good or if I'm just in a place in my life where this resource is most beneficial to me. I think it's a factor of both. I believe lately I've been receiving confirmation of all things I wasn't sure of regarding my worth & purpose. Anywho... I came across the "Diligence of Ministry" section and concluded that self-doubt has limited my pursuance of ministry. Now, do I think my purpose is to be a pastor? No. But maybe a teacher, an encourager, a prayer warrior, a server, a writer, a listener, a comforter, or helper. I've always desired to do all these things in some capacity. I do believe my purpose consists of these things.

I was sharing with a friend how people seek me for advice, wisdom, guidance--even people I wasn't close friends with in or haven't spoken to since high school--and, although honored that people find me wise or mature or whatever enough to seek me out for such intimate matters, that it kinda boggles my mind why of all people they know they'll come to me. (I don't mind. I love trying to assist people through their journey of unclarity, but sometimes I don't feel worthy. I mean, I'll have a 40+ year old woman ask me about aspects of life I only have observed.) I remember the friend replying, in short, that I had influence, and I couldn't help but remember my mother telling me in recent years how when I was a child the teachers would tell her the same thing. For instance, if I wanted chocolate milk, the other kids wanted chocolate milk. (Funny, most of my life I never felt like the "cool kid".) ...I remember my teachers during my high school & college years telling me I had a gift with words & critical thinking--was a good reader, speaker, great at reasoning, connecting the dots. ...Maybe that's my gift. The gift of knowing much by experience, but mostly through observation & what I consider common sense and knowing how to articulate it. And influence people with it. I'm not sure I know what my gifts are necessarily. All I know is that I need to put use to what I'm naturally inclined to do, desire to do, what I feel a sense of purpose doing. For God's sake.

I like to think I am in some way with my nuggets of "wisdom" shared via Facebook statuses, notes, twitter tweets, this blog post, or even in communicating with people the old-fashion way, but I think I've put a cap on my potential by not qualifying myself with proper training. I mean, I'm great at using Blue Letter Bible or Got Questions, Google Search or old-fashioned searching the Bible's concordance, if ever I am moved to give a scripture of wisdom in conjunction with my words of encouragement or point of view real quick, but I believe my hesitancy to serve in ministry has much to do with my lack of maturity in knowledge of the Word. Therefore there's this fear of not being the best representation of Him. I have a lot of growing up in Christ to do. But who doesn't? That'll always be the case. One of the characters depicted in "Young Lady of Diligence" is Doubting Doris. It reads "Faith is believing what God says about you. ...Part of ministry is learning so don't let yesterday's struggles prevent future successes. (1 John 4:4; 2 Tim. 1:9; 1 Tim 6:12) Doubting Doris is me. I hate to admit that because I'm also that person who will encourage people publicly & privately to not doubt themselves because they're a child of God and God loves His children and is all powerful and made us in His image, dada dada da, but in all honesty, although I know that to be true because the Bible says so and I believe in it's validity, I, too, still struggle with truly acting in that knowledge, which is manifested in self-doubt. Truth is, many times when I share nuggets of truth, I'm preaching to the choir--myself.

The scripture mentioned in Chapter 2 "He who refreshes others will himself be refreshed" (Proverbs 11:25b), although I've read it before, for the first time sounded like the basis of my personal mission, vision, creed. Refreshing others has always been what I've wanted to do whether it be by singing a song, cooking a meal, counseling someone, serving someone.... And in doing so I have felt refreshed. Giving others a sense of power as best I know how is the best gift that keeps on giving. A friend of mine once told me that “[my] energy” has always lifted [their] spirit, so much, it sometimes feels as if [they] could “float off the ground.” That's an honor. And I believe such a gift is one that will help me fulfill my potential. In what capacity? I don't know. But I'm sure whatever [I] do, [I should] work at it with all [my] heart, as working for the Lord, not for men" (Colossians 3:23). In that case, I'll need the belt of truth because I have a feeling the gift of words will be applied. Now all there's for me to do is train for such ministry by "rising early to develop the tongue of a disciple". Isaiah 50:4 reads, "The Sovereign Lord has given me an instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary. He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught." 

I'm not at all saying that I will start this training tomorrow. I'm still guilty of self-doubt in this capacity. It's quite sinful. (If you believe in the power of God & prayer, pray for me.) What I am saying is that more & more I am becoming more aware of who God wants me to be & I'm slowly, but surely becoming that woman. Stick around and watch me transition! Watch me make great strides (& stumbles) along the way. It's all part of the journey, the test, the testimony, the blessing.

FYI: When I ask people to pray for me I make sure to pray for myself. My prayer? That my words brings healing, be a tree of life. (Proverbs 15:4)
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Another book I LOVE is Releasing Your Potential (Myles Munroe). I'll have to share that book as I'm doing Waiting in the future. Releasing, I believe it will make a non-believer a believer in Christ & a believer a stronger believer of their God-given purposes. As well, as The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership (John C. Maxwell), which speaks greatly about being a positive influence on others' lives.

Is Love Enough?!?!

What's life without love? "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." (1 Cor. 13:13) 


What I find, sadly, is that people want love in abundance but they don't want to practice love, ESPECIALLY patience. People "believe" in love and yet don't believe that it always perseveres or never fails (13:7-8), IF they put childish ways aside (13:11). Ways of one who's grown up from their childish ways are indicative of never giving up, never losing faith, always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance (13:7). Love is more selfless than it is selfish (or self-seeking; 13:4). And Lord knows love defies logical sense, hence the love act of God ("For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16) being difficult to comprehend. We can't even imagine such a sacrifice, hence questions like "Is love enough?" 


Is this question that deep? YES, because love is the gift that keeps on giving--it heals, it saves not only the one who chooses to receive it but the one who chooses to give it. [And if we have to question love (& all it's power for good; "Love does no harm to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law." Romans 13:10), I'd say a "deep" answer is in order.] It's a gift of much responsibility, but we all know that to whom much is given, much is required (Luke 12:48), right? We can either choose to give a good fight one good time (keep in mind a war consists of many battles, so there will always be a need to fight in the name of love (ask any couple who's been married more than 10 years)) & win the prize OR quit & settle for less than love (which we often find ourselves doing when we give too much of ourselves to non-deserving people (over & over again; back to the same one only with a different face); people who have no idea of our worth and therefore use us improperly (usually for their own selfish gain)) all the while wondering what the hell we're fighting for. At least when the question of love is not in question, you have security in knowing you're enduring the battle for a good reason.


If you're not sure love is in the equation, then NO, it's not enough to justify why you're going through whatever you may be going through. BUT if you're sure love is in the equation, YES, it's worth it. How much do you want your dream to come true? My point is this, if love's not worth it, what is? 


...The gift of love comes with a price. Everybody wants the gift, but no one wants to pay the price.

Love is enough.


"Many waters cannot quench love, Nor can the floods drown it. If a man would give for love All the wealth of his house, It would be utterly despised." Song of Songs 8:7

Complexities ...and Misunderstandings

Sometimes I wish I could be cut open, so that all the colors of me could run out to be displayed.

Maybe then I would be understood.

I'm a woman of many complexities.  Many insecurities and securities.  Fear and bravery.  Many highs and lows.  Dreams and nightmares.

And I act accordingly.  But I do try.  I try to have more faith in my dreams than my fears, my strength than my weakness.

Sometimes I'm scared.  Sometimes I'm foolish.  Sometimes I'm not.

Either way, please, try to understand.