This year I am requiring more of myself. Lord knows my effort to have the mind of Christ sometimes falls short, especially being in an environment that does not please me. One of which I believed would liberate me, but has instead made me feel trapped. Don't pity me. All of this is part of God's plan for me. ...This is my year! My prayers and heart's desires will manifest. I look around and my carnal mind thinks, "How?!" but I trust the God that has told me that "I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11). ...That promise has sustained me and I must not doubt its validity in MY life. No more will I ask God, "Why not me? When is it my turn?" It wasn't me then because it's my turn NOW. ...I don't know the details. I just have the vision. ...This is my year. If I am not diligent in keeping my focus and increasing my faith, I may very well abort the mission - God's mission for my life, His glory! This year is imperative for years to come. I know it!
...So, in continuation of requirements, I am requiring more of those who are in my life (or wish to be). If you are not benefiting me, you are hindering me. I will only entertain relationships that edify & fortify me, and glorify God. Period. Once upon a time, I would compromise in the name of love, but if it's not good, it's evil. That's where I stand today. ...Trust me, I'm not the "fire and brimstone" kind of believer. (I pray I haven't come off that way.) I'm just expressing the URGENCY, the IMPORTANCE, and the MAGNITUDE of this year. ...I will lose some, but I will gain much more. It's necessary. I will one day build a legacy. (Heavy, right?! I know. Blows my mind, too. Even sounds preposterous. But that I said I know will manifest without a doubt, if I don't lose focus and faith. [I DIGRESS: Now, men, you may understand why I require more of you. I need someone with a "legacy" mindset. Someone who, too, want to build a firm foundation in God and of things of this world for their great-grandchildren's great-grandchildren. I can't set them up for failure due to my own selfishness (i.e. he's cute, he drives a nice car, he's funny, got a great job, has a clean house, knows "conversate" is not a word... but can he pray for me? Empower me? Consider me? Can I trust that he won't lead me (and the vision) astray?! [Yes, I said, "lead".]) Marriage isn't simply about me. It's about them (my offspring-to-be), too. ...I used to feel cursed because I've been getting the "You look mad" or "You're intimidating" comments from males (most times by a third party) since high school, but now I am more than sure that it is a blessing. Don't get me wrong, I would rather come across warm and approachable. However, with the "Utopian" heart I have I can imagine, if I came off warm and approachable, I would probably have more heartache. So my demeanor is like a filter. ...I trust that "the one" (who is to co-produce this legacy with God and me) will have discernment to see me clearly (know that I'm not mad, cold, angry, mean and/or whatever else the common man may think of me) and approach me with a purpose - edify, fortify, glorify. So... I'll wait.)] I can't afford to be counterfeit. How does that bring glory to God? It doesn't. So I can't let no thing or one (even myself) get in the way of pleasing God (or in the way of His plans for me; blessings).
This is the year of NO COMPROMISE. ...Will I fall short? Yes! That's believer 101. But God will know my name and know that I run with definite aim - FORWARD.
REGARD, in the definitional sense of "to have or show respect or concern for", "to think highly of; esteem", and "to take into account; consider" is ALL I want from those who interrupt my life to ask me for entry into my life. That is ALL I ask for.
One day I will receive the gift of understanding.
In the meantime, I will trust God and trust that with time comes healing.
And keep on believing.
