Back To The Old Me ...And Yet Better Than Before!

Here I am again

asking questions;
waiting to be 

moved.
I am so unsure

of my perception;
What I thought I knew

I don't seem to.
Where is the turn,

so I can get back to what I believe in?
Back to the old me?

And

God, please hear my call.
I am afraid

for me.
Love has burned me raw;
I need your healing,
Please. 

please,

please.

I am such a fool!
How did I get here?
Played by all the rules

Then they changed.

I am but a child to your vision.
Standing in the cold 

and the rain.
Lost here in the dark,
I can't see

my foot to take a step.
What is happening?
Oh, this hurts so bad. 

I can hardly breathe.
I just want to leave 

so...

This song is like a literal excerpt from my mind, my diary. I've felt this way, I've said these things. ...For more than 2 years now I have been trying to "get back to the old me". But as much as this song has touched me, in my reflection of just how close to home this song is I’ve realized just how far I’ve come. This summer & the lessons learned up until this very moment have brought me to a place in my journey of which I feel like I've seen the darkest of the darkness in which I've been lost. In fact, I know I am finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Life is truly coming full circle for me. I'm gaining clarity in various areas of my life. And I'm so excited! I'm so humbled. When I declared & proclaimed that " 2009: Caterpillar (lowest point of my LIFE). 2010: Cocooned (rejuvenation). 2011: Butterfly (enough said). #2011istheYearofMYBreakthrough" I truly had no idea!

If it required me to play by the rules and for them to change, to be foolish, to ask questions regarding my worth in order for me to call out to God and for Him to hear me and gain answers that would move me to change for the better & gain a better appreciation for who I am already, as hard as it is to say (because I'd hate to do it) I'd do it again. ...Indeed every relationship is a lesson. Indeed, every mistake, every flaw is an opportunity to be made aware of our lack/greatness in the moment and our potential. Indeed, God is so good, for even our detours are beneficial to our God-ordered journey. I was told recently that "The finish line is just the starting line for a bigger race." And indeed a bigger race is coming, and I wouldn't have been able to run this upcoming race with my head held high, shoulders pulled back, and assurance of who I am and how faithful God is if it hadn't been for the marathon of a race I am finishing. Looking forward to the cross countries and sprints, now! I have found a confidence like never before.

Hope floats. Faith soars. Both have gotten me to the finish line.