Nice Guys/Girls Finish Last... So They Turn Bad

Ah!  Now THIS may be the most popular discussion I've had.  And guess what?  It's usually a guy making the argument that good guys finish last and that they are gonna turn bad.  My stance is below.

[Disclaimer: Those who are sensitive, bitter, scorned, and the list goes on, may find this entry uncomfortable.]

Some things women do make men turn to dogs and no longer gentlemen.  Being the good guy gets you nowhere.

This whole "good girl/guy gone bad" syndrome is SO counterproductive.  It hurts the "good girl/guy gone bad" more than anyone.  It's a vicious cycle.  People need to stop allowing bad experiences make them into bad people who go through life hurting other people and may very well turn their hearts to cold stone and turn them into bad people.  I'd be darn if I allow past hurts make me into a "bad girl".  That only exacerbates my problem of finding love.  Yes, I have insecurities and hang-ups because of past hurts, but I make a conscious effort to not bring that into a next possible relationship.  [I'm honest with myself and address the hurt.]  I try to start fresh,  If you don't, you're likely to make a good relationship go bad.

I believe if a person understands you that they will stick around because they see the potential in you and the relationship, BUT I wouldn't [push] my luck.  Everybody doesn't have tolerance to deal with serving a sentence for something they didn't do.  And rightfully so.  (Usher and Musiq have songs about that.)  As someone who's served a sentence, I know that sometimes you get so drained from trying to convince someone that you love them that eventually you have no more to give.  I'm very patient when it comes to matters of the heart [some say it's a fault], but I'm no heart surgeon.  Don't let the past get in the way of your future.

Being the good guy seems counterproductive.  Why bother doing the right thing?  Why worry about someone's feelings being hurt, if in the end mine are going to be hurt?


1. Being the good guy is NEVER counterproductive.  It's just harder for good girls/guys because we usually desire things of substance.  Many people aren't trying to give that because they just want to have fun.  To require substance and therefore be of substance requires much responsibility [and accountability] that many people don't want to deal with because they lack maturity.  They just want to have fun.  They aren't trying to get "serious".  People are concerned with immediate rewards, not necessarily the long-lasting rewards of relationships.  BUT just like there are good guys out there, there are good girls out there.  And as a [proudly and confidently proclaimed] good girl, I'm going to let you know that we need you, good guys!  In fact, bad girls need you, too.  Just like I'm sure a bad guy could benefit from having a good girl in their life to show them something new.

2. "Why even bother doing the right thing when in the end you get the same thing as a person (i.e 'bad guy') who didn't?  Because it's about HOW you get it not what you get.  Period.  How you get something, how you get somewhere is a testament of the man you are.  It's about self-pride, integrity.  When did that become unimportant?

3. Why worry about someone's feelings being hurt, if in the end mine are going to be hurt?  Because it's not about being selfish.  "Oh, I'm gonna get you before you get me."  I think it's sad that people just have this attitude to disregard people because of their own fears.  What happened to caring about another person?

See, I think many people "love" conditionally.  "Oh, I'll love you as long as you love me."  Then is that love?  "Oh, I won't hurt you as long as you don't hurt me?"  Is that love [or even like]?  ...I've loved before and those persons have hurt me, but if you asked me if I loved them still, I would say, "yes".  If you asked me do I regret it or would I take [the] love [I shared with them] back if I could, I would say, "no".  Because when I was "so in love" with them I thought they were worthy, why would I deem them unworthy because things didn't work out?  [I believe all of us are worthy of love.  I also believe we sometimes have people fulfill roles that weren't intended for them, so such relationships didn't work out because they weren't ever meant (in that capacity).]  Why would I want to hurt them because they hurt me?  But didn't I supposedly love them?  That makes no sense.  Love is not conditional.  [Love has one identity, but is often subject to mistaken identity.]  That's my point.  We continue to be the good girl/guy because we love ourselves too much to allow someone else who abused our love or failed to find themselves worthy of our love to make us bitter people who are unable to love again.  We do the right thing because, simply put, it's the right thing.  There's NEVER an excuse to not do the right thing.  Ever.  We worry about someone else's feelings because we have feelings and we wouldn't want anyone to inflict that pain on us OR we've had such pain inflicted on us and we know how damaging it can be and we, good girls/guys who do the right thing, care about others.  I think people try to make excuses for why they should stop being the good girl/guy so that they can justify their indulgence in the immediate pleasures of non-substance that the "bad girls/guys" [tend to] partake in.  That's what I think.  But yeah, becoming a bad guy IS counterproductive because you're only stagnating your own potential of obtaining the one thing you say you want, which is to be respected, considered, appreciated, to obtain a healthy relationship, and in the meantime continuing the cycle of good girl/guy turn to bad girl/guy.

Most women these days only go for bad guys, that's why I want to go bad.  The good guy's actions gets overlooked, passed over, and/or taken for granted.  So I might as well go bad.  I love for unconditional reasons, but my good guy ways doesn't get me game time.  Because of her understanding and experiences with men she doesn't believe good guys exist, so I have to be a jerk for her to even take me seriously.


I've heard this scenario often.  The good guy tries to show the bad girl (i.e. the girl that has been hurt) that he can be the guy she's always wanted, but her fear [of getting hurt] gets in the way.  I'll tell you to 1. be aware and understanding of her position, 2. be patient (You should be.  You understand [that she's skeptical that good guys exist], right?), BUT don't allow her to abuse your kindness for her selfish gain.  See, unfortunately (as I touched on a bit above) sometimes people want what they want but they don't want to give of themselves (because of fear of being hurt).  They want to date you, they want your company, they even want the intimacy of a relationship sometimes, BUT they don't want to give of themselves, they don't want to commit to you, they don't want to get too "serious"  ...and they usually can [get away with it] because, what?  You're being patient and understanding.  If this is the case, I'll say again, don't allow her to abuse you or your desire to have more with her.  Because, sadly enough, some people want to receive what they want without reciprocating the same.  Yes, she was hurt, but if she's not ready to do what's necessary to cultivate a healthy relationship, she needs to stop engaging in this non-substantial relationship.

Now, if you haven't even gotten to the point of dating this person and she is being guarded, then I say to you "fall back".  Just because you see her to be the girl for you doesn't mean you can force that upon her.  This may not be the time of which this relationship is to form.  Give her time to address her current "understanding" and past "experiences".  In the meantime, be the man she needs NOW, not the man you want to be for her now.  If you care about her, you can't be selfish and inconsiderate when dealing with her.  You can love her, but love her in the capacity that the circumstances allow.  And if you care about her, you will accept that and eventually be ok with that.  [It may not be easy, but sometimes doing what is necessary is not easy.]  Right now maybe you can only love her in the capacity of friendship.  That's not a bad thing.  You never know, in the season of friendship you may help her in believing "good guys exist".  (And that still may not guarantee that she'll choose you to be the man for her.  BUT if you truly care for her, you'll be pleased to know that at least she BELIEVES.  [And with time you may find that she's not the woman for you.])  But she is not likely to ever know, if you become just another guy who turns her back on her or abuses her (by not treating her as a good guy should) and therefore prove to her that her "understanding/experiences" are justly deemed as truth.  But again, don't subject yourself to abuse in the name of patience and understanding.

And lastly, you may want to reconsider investing into a girl who would rather you be a jerk to her than a man to her.  Thats sounds like insecurity, like someone who considers a drama-filled relationship to be ideal [or wants you to give her an excuse as to why she shouldn't get close so that she can continue to be a coward.  (I know "coward" is a strong word, but by definition it's correct.)].  That, like all I've addressed, is deep and may be deeply rooted.  I'd like to say, if you care about her, don't fall into that trap because you'll be doing her more harm than good and you may find yourself to be a man you never thought you'd become--a bad guy just like the one that made her the scarred, fractured, [and most unfortunate, fearful] woman she is today.  Be a good guy.  You'll be rewarded in the end.  It may not be today, it may be 3 or 7 years from now.  So don't allow your past or present to cheat you of what you can obtain, contribute, and become in the future.

"Every relationship is an opportunity to grow spiritually.  Take the blame off "them" and take responsibility." (Unknown)

Love; ain't nothing like it.  So be grateful that the beauty of an intimate love between a man and a woman is that it's a conscious CHOICE that can not be forced upon someone.  It's a mutual effort.  So respect people's freedom to choose.  Would you want someone to love you because you wanted them to or because they want to?

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Readers I know Rome wasn't built in a day and neither was your 'wall', but I challenge you to tear the wall down, if you want to love and be loved (without unnecessary burdens), of course.  It shouldn't hurt to love you.  When someone loves you and with every action there is an obstacle to face eventually your loved one, out of love for self, may find it best to let you go.  Simply being in the presence of someone you have great interest and fondness for can be intoxicating to all of your senses, stimulating all your dimensions.  Can you imagine being allowed to only get so close to that someone because there's this barrier, this clear, thick wall keeping you at a distance?  Eventually you'll start to feel like you're declared the enemy, instead of the lover.  Torturous, right?  When you love someone, close is where you want to be,  Not forced to stay afar.  The act of love should be liberating, feel like freedom not like hell, something you should be punished for.  So I ask you to don't sit back and watch your loved one try tirelessly to tear down that wall from the outside (in order to prove their love for you).  Assist in saving yourself from your self-made cage (and your partner from the cage your wall have built around them) by overcoming your fear and hurt and tearing down the wall from the inside.  Love is teamwork--if you want to build a solid foundation, you have to help lay down the concrete.

Enough of my philosophies, for everyone has to find the answers for themselves, so I pose this question to serve as a starting point:

"Why should you and your [mate] continue to pay a penalty for a violation y'all didn't even commit?  And allow [your] abuser (the one who misused and treated you unjustly for lack of knowing your purpose) to continue to abuse [you] by staying in that wounded place?"

Remember to love yourself enough to not guard yourself from the one thing that can/will have a healing effect on your pain--love, for it's so powerful and REAL.  The true remedy.--, that love takes sacrifice, but not sacrifice of one's self love--so don't expect your loved one to do it--and the best test of love is patience... in my opinion--, for there is no coincidence that patience is the first characteristic made in 1 Corinthians 13:4 ("Love suffereth long" [KJV]) or that it is considered such a virtue.  Patience, it's so necessary.

Also remember that all of us are singing a similar tune.
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The posing question was paraphrased from a sermon "Effective Love Part 6" presented by Pastor Keith Battle of Zion Church in Largo, Maryland.  I wouldn't say the sermon is related to this blog entry, but when I heard him ask the question I couldn't help but say, "My thoughts EXACTLY!" (regarding emotional hang-ups).  I would encourage you to watch the series "Effective Love", which is based on The 5 Love Languages, from the beginning.  You may find something out about yourself.  Maybe your past or present relationship is tumultuous for lack of knowing your and your partner's love language.  ...Or maybe not.  Use your discernment; base your conclusions on what you know (fact) not what you think (feelings).

My 'Piece' Was Featured on Another Blog!

So, a fellow alum and associate of mine posted a statement on her Facebook (FB) status... and I couldn't help but state my piece.  Sometimes I share my opinion so much that I think maybe I share too much.  I'm a vocal person, who feels moved to share (out of a spirit of 'love' not 'I know it all') what I deem to be the truth or a very good perspective to be considered, and apparently I was right because Ms. Hazel felt moved to 'pass it on' and share it with her followers.  On the day of her FB post I was moved to write a blog entry on rushing into relationships, so look out for it!!!
 
Here is the feature.

p.s.  She calls herself "mad", but ... I don't think she's that mad.  *smile*

Hope Hurts

Sometimes hope hurts.
There's so much uncertainty with it.

You yearn for something,
   desire something,
      want something so bad
and you only have hope to suffice.
Only problem is sometimes

it doesn't.

Those are the days that hope hurts.

You're just waiting.

Hoping and waiting

to have what you want

and,

hopefully,

many pleasant surprises to come along with it.

Love Turns to Hate

[Before I begin with this next post, let me address what I'm sure some people may be thinking "How does she remember what she said?"  ...Remember in "Passing It On" when I said that there have been topics that I have wanted to share here and that I want to say the same thing I may have said in conversation but more efficiently for a blog entry?  Well, when those conversations are had in written form, I sometimes save them for future reference.  Now that I'm writing "Passing It On" entries, all I have to do is edit and paste it onto here.  *lol*  ...YES!  ...Now, to the entry.]

So, someone was stating on a public forum that love is funny because it can quickly turn to hate.  This is my reply:


Hmmm. I'm not sure I agree. It's been my experience (again, I said, "my experience") that love takes a long time to turn. And even when it turned ...hate didn't form. Just hurt, dislike, and maybe a bit of distrust was formed. I actually still love those who contributed to such feelings. I just can't do it in the way I'd once wished to. I have to love them within the ...circumstances they have fostered. Typically that means I have to love them, as I say, "from a distance". The position's still the same (I love them), but the conditions aren't the same (we are no longer a couple or friends), so I have to love within that capacity. So the love looks different but it's still there. There is no hate.


So, maybe the love didn't turn to hate. Hate is a STRONG word. I mean, there is no compromise with hate. You despise whatever it is that you are referring to; there is no inkling of respect, love, anything good. (I have a strong dislike, possibly hate, for flies. (Yeah, I know. Flies.) I go to NO end to destroy that fly, KILL that fly. You understand what I'm saying? So...) Maybe it (love) hasn't changed, just the conditions of how the love can be expressed or shared.


In science we learned how water can be formed into a gas, liquid, and solid. Well, let's look at love as water. Whether in the form of gas (romantic), liquid (platonic/friendship), or solid (family), the water (love) is still water (love) it just takes different shape under different conditions. *smile* (I hope that gave you a visual of my point.)


I've "preached", "taught", enough. *smile* Hope it gave you a possible view point of what may have occurred that has influenced [you to say this]. Hate is SO strong, I doubt very much that people actually hate at all. They may dislike, but hate? I don't think most of us are capable. *smile*

"I Like You. It's Just Bad Timing."

Have you ever had someone tell you that they like you enough to date, but the timing was all wrong?  ...And then find that they began dating someone else soon after this disclosure.  The question that a friend asked on a public forum was "How do you evaluate that?"  This is my reply:

I think initially I would be mad/sad. No one likes to be rejected. But after I put my emotions to the side (which can be easier said than done, because, hey, it hurts) I can see it as if (in my case since I'm female *lol*) the man doesn't believe that he is yet the man he needs to be to be with a woman like me. I would respect him for respecting me enough to not knowingly cross that line prematurely and take advantage of the love I have for him (because when I love I give it all). Since I've been in a similar situation before, I can attest that when I started thinking rationally of what his actions meant (he loved me enough to protect me), my love for him blossomed. He's still a dear friend of mine. And although I love him, I thank him for the rejection because with time I've learned that ... the woman I am and the man he is are best being friends. So I avoided a heartbreak and, most likely, losing a good friend.

One thing I've learned is that a man knows what he wants. If a man says he doesn't want to be with you, that he's not ready, etc. ...he means it! He means it, trust me, he does. As a woman I know from personal experience that the worst mistake we, as women, can make is think that we can change his mind, convince him otherwise. I SAY LIVE YOUR LIFE AND TAKE HIS WARNING. Now, if you two are friends, which I hope would be the case, if you are considering him to be your (possible) life partner, in time it is likely that he may one day be ready AND want you, but it's gonna take you to just be yourself--be his friend, and not some woman who is waiting around desperately but living her life happily... with him as a friend--not you hitting him in the head with not-so-subtle hints that you are his future wife. A man has to find that out for himself. That's why I think it is said "A man that finds a wife finds a good thing" (Proverbs 18:22) because when a man sees a woman to be his wife with his OWN eyes, his OWN discovery you better believe it's the best thing he's ever seen--the one woman who he wants, needs and therefore willingly CHOOSES (not forcingly pressured) to spend the rest of his life together and create wondrous things with the love they share (which won't happen if he resents you for pressuring him to marry you). 'Cause I can tell you, as a woman who has seen potential in a few men in my past (keyword "past" meaning they are no longer here presently, which means what I wanted definitely wasn't what God wanted for me), I have met my husband 3 times, maybe 4 times. *lol* I'm serious. So I thank God for the men who didn't want me enough to be loyal or enough to even cross the line of friendship because, if I had made it my way, I would be in a miserable relationship with a guy I once admired and the man that was meant for me would be passing me by.

Rejection's good! We just HAVE to see the blessing in it. Rejection is like protection. For real.

Passing It On

Ok, so sometimes there are SO many topics that I want to write about--things that come up in everyday conversation and I address in everyday conversation--but my effort to present my point efficiently (informative and yet not lengthy) as possible sometimes poses more of a delay than expressing myself.  (I try not to bore you to death or annoy you with talking too much; I know I'm long-winded.  *lol*)  So I think I'm going to write entries called "Passing It On".

They will be excerpts of conversations that relate to topics that I want to write about and I tend to have with my friends and associates, pretty frequently actually.  (That's another thing, some topics are so popular that I feel like I've discussed it so many times in depth that by the time I want to share my thoughts with my Fellow Royals I feel like I'm being redundant).  Of course, I would present them here in a way that would keep the one(s) I was initially conversing with unidentifiable, but it will consist of enough information that will not take away from the point (my opinion and/or what I believe to be true) I am trying to share.  I think it would be much easier for me to share what I believe to be beneficial dialogue regarding a, usually, complex topic if I just presented my stance in a conversation format, when possible.  Now, friends, this does NOT mean you have to censor yourself or hesitate to talk to me in fear of being outed on my blog.  *lol* It just means that you may read a blog entry and read something that sounds familiar.  *smile*

So, to my 7 faithful followers (I see you!), I should be posting more entries more frequently; posting as I am inspired or moved by a conversation.

Fellow Royals, thanks for taking time to read my entries!  I appreciate it.  This blog was simply a public venue for me to gain some confidence and ...have a therapy session of sorts with myself.  You'd be surprised how empowered you can be by shedding light on your thoughts--whether of pride or shame--on a soap box... regardless of someone listening or not. It was quite a selfish purpose actually.  But because I dare not think the questions I ponder, the thoughts I have, the viewpoint I have or the emotions I feel are totally unique I'd hoped that if someone just happened to come across Royal By Nature they may be inspired and encouraged for the better.  And now that I have been told that I do inspire and encourage with my way with words--ironically by those that have yet to visit my blog but has conversed with me personally--I have been more willing to share links of my blog on social networks.  Thank you, heavenly 7!  *lol*

Peace.

Untitled (Expectations, Disappointments & ...Self-Accountability)

Have you ever grown interested in someone and find yourself disappointed because things aren't going as you expected?  Well, I know I have.

Relationships are so complex.  Which is why I understand why people tend to keep their guard up--because to not have it up leaves them susceptible to becoming too comfortable with people who may not be here tomorrow.  Unfortunately, by nature we are very penetrable.  It is easy for us to receive information at face value (especially when there are tender eyes and a lovely smile attached to it)--"Ok, if s/he does that it means this"--in a 1 + 2 = 3 formula.  But what many of us find is that such trust in others' actions may lead to disappointment because we find that things aren't always as they seem.  ...Or, more likely, we find that our expectations aren't met.

And I guess that's what it boils down to--expectations.  It is so easy to expect certain things when we naturally expect 1 + 2 to equal 3... as nature has proven.  Too bad relationships, a thing of nature, are more complex than any mathematical problem you can think of.  There is no formula.  Just hope and discernment.  We all are microcosms of complexity and no two people are the same and therefore no two circumstances are the same.  And although there is plenty of wisdom to be found regarding relationships, there is no guarantee that when applied you will get the same result (answer) as the person from whom you received the advice (formula) as they did when they applied it to someone completely different than who you wish to apply the wisdom.  *whew*  And, for argument's sake, if you do apply the wisdom to the same person as the wise advisor, there is no guarantee that the person whom the wisdom is being applied to will react to it the same way when you do apply it.  You get my drift?  Relationships are complex!  But, it is possible to eliminate some complexities.

Now, let's talk about us and what we can control--ourselves.  I have found from the few times I liked-liked a guy that I sometimes--ok, ... most times--expect things I have no business expecting.  Period.  I know I'm not the only one guilty of this because I have had enough friends and associates--male and female--express the same thing.  They just didn't know it.  *lol*  So I encourage us to be self-accountable.  I find people tend to make themselves victims by placing blame on the other for hurting them--not meeting their expectations.  Truth is we should be accountable for our own disappointments because the other has less control (especially at the "I like him/her" stage of the relationship) of what information (actions or lack thereof) we process or, most important, how we compute it in our self-made equations.  "He's been asking about my day for 28 days, he should have asked me on a date by now."  "She's been laughing at my jokes every time our friends get together, why isn't she accepting my advances?"  We tend to dismiss them with ill thoughts when they don't do things we expect them to do in the time frame we expect them to take place.  And it really is unfair.  (And yes, yes, yes, of course s/he is a 'jerk' for misleading you and of course you can be emotionally affected by your disappointments, but) I would encourage you to put your emotions on the shelf and access the circumstance fairly.  Did they mislead you or did you mislead yourself?  I have decided that, if someone did not vow to be whatever I expected them to be, I have no right to be mad at them for not meeting the expectation.  (Of course it hurts because when you like someone--most of us like them for good reason; they're interesting, they have good energy, they're the type of person you'd like to know--you would like them to have a lasting role in your life.  ...And if you're like me, a romantic, which means that my imagination tends to guide me to thoughts of  future tense, it can feel like a dream has been put to death... again, but the reality is they aren't responsible for my dreams and) They owe me nothing.  Period.  I chose to interact with them.  I accepted their doings and sayings, applied the mathematical formula I believed to be fitting for their actions, and came to the conclusion/theory/answer that resulted in me forming an expectation.

Sometimes, ladies and gentlemen, people are no more than what they are presenting to you--a guy that asks about your day, a girl that finds your jokes funny.  And that's it.  Not the guy that asks about your day and will one day become your future kids' father.  Not the girl that finds your jokes funny and will one day sit on the porch swing with you in old age.  It's possible, but that's not the case today.  So be careful looking so far ahead that your disappointment that things aren't going as expected destroys your chance of having what you didn't expect--a new friend or a new supporter of your dreams.  (Yeah, I know, that's not what you want.  I get it.  But you also don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you romantically either.  You're not a charity case.)  See, sometimes people are only guaranteeing you the here and now (today).  And the future (tomorrow... yeah, literally tomorrow) is still up for consideration.

And sometimes we don't give him or her a chance!  We get so impatient--forgetting that relationships are best slow cooked, not nuked in a microwave--and our expectations get the best of us.  Life, like us, is complex and sometimes life, which consists of time and priorities doesn't allow us to do what we want to do (or at least not the way we prefer to do it).  It's likely that s/he has considered you for the future--they are interested in you and they find you funny--but you are not a priority worthy of their time... right now.  I think the BEST thing an old friend told me once was "Tell me what you know, not what you think" because there have been times that I could have destroyed what is if I had acted upon the conclusions of what I thought was.  We often form conclusions based upon what we feel (think) and not facts (know).  With new relationships, especially, we have to remove our emotions and make conclusions of people's character (and/or actions) based upon facts.  We feel like we're being ignored or we've been forgotten, but the fact is that we haven't heard from him or her in a while. The fact is we don't know why we haven't heard from them in a while.  Maybe they are swamped with work and/or school, maybe they are on vacation, maybe they lost their phone, maybe they are on a mental/spiritual hiatus, maybe they are a clown in the circus, maybe they don't like you.  The point is you don't know, so until that maybe turns into a definite yes or no, don't conclude the worst.  Time will tell.  Trust me.  But if you count them out before time gives you the final answer, you'll never know what could've, should've, or would've been.  Only time will let you know whether you are 'smelling the coffee' or 'jumping to conclusions'.

I remember when I graduated from my alma mater, it just seemed as if none of my best friends... were my friends.  They weren't answering phones call, returning phone calls or any form of communication and I started to feel discarded.  I started to have a pity party and think "Wow.  I thought they were my friends.  I guess not."  But then my ability to think about more than one thing at once kicked in and I was also thinking "Ok, be rational.  Everyone is embarking on a new chapter in their lives.  They might just be busy.  All I know is that they aren't communicating with me, but I don't know why.  I need to check my ego; the world does not revolve around me and I can't possibly expect my friends, who are starting new careers and/or grad school all while juggling boyfriends/husbands (and surely other things), to make me a top priority right now."  ...Let's just say that I found with time that my rational self was right and my emotional self was ALL wrong.  If I had acted on my former thoughts, I could have burnt bridges.  Now, if you're saying to yourself "Well, I don't know what to think.  I can't tell if s/he is playin' with my emotions or not", I say, "Ask him/her."   The truth of the matter is this, if someone REALLY doesn't want to be bothered with you, they won't be bothered, they won't take time to answer your question.  Remember, people do what they want to do.  And eventually they will.  Now, please don't assume they don't want to be bothered, if they don't answer you when you expect them to.  I'll also say, "In the meantime of waiting for the answer live your life."  Don't wait by the phone.  Don't check your email... and your Facebook Inbox ...and his or her Wall every 15 minutes to see if their Recent Activity gives you signs of life.  Because with time you will find the truth and there's no sane reason to make yourself miserable, when indeed you may have been smelling the coffee and just needed time to confirm it OR you had been jumping to conclusions and needed time to confirm that you were giving yourself heartache for 'nothing'.

Being patient when seeking answers is best.  I mean, time doesn't lie.  That's for sure.  It frees your mind from asking yourself a bunch of questions that cannnot be answered unless time passes and you look around and realize s/he never got back to you or you have heard from them.  And, if the latter occurs, it would be much easier to lightheartedly inform them that you thought you would never hear from them again than it is to shamefully explain that you didn't know it was s/he calling because you deleted their phone number from your cellular, that you would like them to accept your Friend Request because you removed them from your Friends List, and that you hope they forgive you for all the poor things you said about them when you dragged their precious name in the mud to anyone who was willing (or held hostage) to listen to your woes.

Sometimes we expect people to act in a capacity that they aren't meant to fulfill, that they don't want to fulfill and it's arrogant of us to take the stance that ultimately states s/he should act in the capacity that we want them to--our lover, our best friend, whatever we desire and expect of them.  "How dare they?", we ask.  But the question is "How dare we conclude that someone in whom we have grown interested should have the same interest in us?  And if they don't, deem something to be wrong with them (or ourselves) because they rejected us?"  Reality is it's simply a case of two people wanting two different things and therefore what you desire is not what's best for you anyways.  Listen, I don't care how great, beautiful, lovely he or she is, if they don't want to be more than friends (or strangers for that matter) that is their prerogative. And it's not fair to question their choice or their character.  If you disagree, I'll tell you what I have had to tell myself, "Get over yourself, learn the lesson (there is one... and it most likely has everything to do with you), and move on."  Rise above despair.  People are not evil people, generally, who interact with others for the sole purpose of abusing them--giving them false impressions, hurting their feelings, and contributing to their mental and emotional distress.  I think sometimes we meet a person, build a relationship of some sort with them, and in the meantime obtain in-/direct messages from them and come to develop a mental list of what and what not this person is capable of doing.  And when they do the unexpected, which tends to disappoints us, we deem the person a 'jerk' (or worse).  When in reality, they are all that they've always been--usually good--we just don't see it to be so because we have limited their goodness to our expectations.

Another good read, A Week Later, that is somewhat related.  If I was a poetic storyteller, I would have said it like this--engaging, funny, short & sweet.