Last Night I Cried

Last night I cried. I don't say that so that what is done in the dark can be brought to light. I tell you this because I don't want you to think this is a "creative" piece. Last night I was moved, I was saddened, and felt useless...like what can I do to alleviate this pain. There are so many people in pain, with anger, sadness, confusion. So many just trying to find their way... to self.

I have little clue as to why it even matters that I share my thoughts at all. All I know is that I was moved to do so. One thing I don't do is deny myself of sharing something that I have been SO passionately moved to express. I have not a clue what the following words will do for you (or me).

Some will dismiss this, some will read this, some will think I'm crazy for Cocoa Puffs, some will be moved, some will think, some will be inspired. I hope to God no one is turned away.

It's evident, I'm a lover, I'm a comforter. And in many ways I wish I had the capacity to take away everyone's pain, wrap them up in warmth and love and give them joy, peace, love for self and others and in me doing so take away my own pain and give myself these gifts.

Maybe I just needed to vent. Maybe these thoughts are to inspire no one but myself...remind me of what I want my legacy to be. Hmmm. In time we'll see their purpose.

Take care.
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Last night I cried. Not for me, but for all the people that are hurting, all those that are lost, all the people that are not living and being as they should be--as written for them. (I guess in that generalization I included myself. So, yes, I did cry for me because sometimes, probably more times than I am aware, I am hurt. (I'd recently found out that sometimes I'm in constant pain--my back, my neck) and didn't even realize it until I got in a massage chair. "Wow. Where did all this soreness and tension come from? Amazing how numbing pain can be." Those were my thoughts.) Sometimes I'm lost, treading so far from the "straight and narrow." 

I want so much for ALL of us, but it seems to be such a tall order. Where do we begin? Individually and collectively. Where do I stop? And where do you begin? It's a bit of a blur, like different tubs of paint being spilt on a canvas. Green once was green and yet has blended with yellow to make blue, but the green and yellow are still separate colors; they've just become so much a part of each other that they begin and end, they are single and a unit in relation to each other. (Does that make sense?) 

I'm just so sad. People are clueless of what to do, people are clueless of who they are, people are clueless of what's in store, they have no guidance because they have no vision, all they see is darkness. Last night I cried for you, I cried for us all, but what the HELL do I do after the tears have gone? 

With love for all humanity, 

Sa'Toya 

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I don't think I can remember the last time I was ...balanced, leveled, not too hard, not too soft,...just right. Most of us, or at least a lot of us, feel that way about our LIVES. Don't remember when things weren't skewed in some kinda way. 

I don't know why these thoughts are coming to mind. I think I've thought these things for a LONG time, just never knew how to say it, express it. Maybe it's because I'm finding that this condition of sorts is SO common. There's a lot of people that I know going through this. There's a lot of people I see in passing wearing this condition on their face, on their body, their tongue, in their mind, in their actions, in GENERATIONS of families. 

I don't know what to do, so I've chosen to pray for now. Only for now because in time, maybe now, there is a need for action.